Donna Barkley

I have no respect for guys who don't treat women right.

[Donna Barkley @2016Ipat]

WIFE: As opposed to what?

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

When they really miss u, they'll do something about it... If not, u'll know where u stand.

[Donna Barkley @2016Ipat]

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong even autocorrect can`t figure out what you meant.

[Lena Savage @izgarsheva1989]

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

[Mary Citizen @Q7Rudukha]

Facebook is for the people you go to school with. Twitter is for the people you wish you went to school with..

[Vickie Wessel @P7Syusyugina78]

Stop asking me who Im texting, Mom. Im tweeting. Texting requires friends.

[Patricia Stoll @bakhmutovvsesl1]

Dear Board of Education, so are we.

[Donna Barkley @2016Ipat]

I totally understand why Paper and Scissors don't get along. But Rock? That dude's just an asshole looking for a fight.

[Wendy Garcia @LoktyushinMs]

When a bird craps on my car, I like to sit outside and eat a plate of scrambled eggs, just so all the other birds know what I'm capable of.

[Donna Barkley @2016Ipat]

I got a text! I hope it's from.......... OH MY GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE.

[Madeline Salazar @arsentiykoncha1]

I think that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

[Donna Barkley @2016Ipat]

The 1st was masturbating, but that just made funerals awkward.

[Donna Barkley @2016Ipat]

SPOILER ALERT! You die at the end.

[Donna Barkley @2016Ipat]

Sometimes it takes losing everything you thought you needed, to gain everything you ever wanted

[Lenora Sanchez @bulavchuk1981]

I want my tombstone to say "Don't just stand there, water my flowers."

[Donna Barkley @2016Ipat]

I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?"

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

"SO THIS BITCH." - - The start of an amazing story

[Anita Garris @Chesner80]

I wanted to give you something you need but I didn't know how to wrap up a bath tub.

[Rebekah Curtis @florenskarnaus1]

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

[Louise Gerow @AviatsiyaMr]

"..."