Brenda Blackmon

Keep calm and stay strong.

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

My mom + My dad - Condom = Greatest person alive.

[Patricia Jensen @97Savin]

Why do banks lock their pens to the desk? If i'm trusting you with my money, dont you think you can trust me with your pen?

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

That awkward moment when you ignore someone's phone call and they call you from someone else's phone and you answer it.

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

Bitches be dark as 11:59, talking 'bout they mixed. Mixed with what? Dirt and oil?

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

This is that awkward moment when we don't tweet about those usual awkward moment tweets.

[Judith Belcher @LomyshMs]

There's a reason SOLO rhymes with YOLO.

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

If bartenders can't serve drunk people, then how come McDonalds can serve fat people?

[Neva Smiley @88Izot]

How do Hypnotists get from place to place? By public trance-port!

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

When I was born, I was so shocked I didn't talk for a year and a half.

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

White people: "OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!" Black people: "OH HELL YEAH N*GGA THIS MY SHIT!"

[June Patton @Gasova78]

During exams, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.

[Connie Hernandez @zaborevap]

Just discovered a 2nd way I can make myself cry--yanking out a nose hair.

[Sherry Jensen @nellaantsipero1]

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

[Barbara Hooper @MrVasilkina]

That FML moment when you hop into bed, get under your covers, then realized you forgot to turn off the light.

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

Urban Outfitters: Why does looking poor cost so much?

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

Math problems: "Jane bought 72 sofas." BITCH, who the hell would buy 72 sofas?

[Amanda Martinez @5iFseldimirova]

Urban Outfitters: Why does looking poor cost so much?

[Mary Bass @egoriyd]

Drinking alcohol makes me an alcoholic. So does drinking Fanta make me fantastic?

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God.

[Dorothy Pettigrew @ikyzajche]

"In my defense, Your Honor, humans ARE animals too. Personally, I think you should blame the petting zoo sign for not being more specific."