Joan Campbell

Haters are like crickets. Crickets make a lot of noise, you hear it but you can't see them. Then right when you walk by them, they're quiet.

[Belinda Preston @yzenuDall]

If I would have been paid for being lazy, I'd have been a billionaire

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

I keep hitting "escape", but I'm still here.

[Mable McPherson @SerdekovaaU]

Being nice to people you don't like isn't 'two faced', it's called growing up.

[Michele Hobbs @GorgoniySuper]

RELATED: Wife getting suspicious of all the little hairs in our vanilla ice cream.

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

[Susan Davis @pkhokhlachev]

I hate it when I say something funny, and then someone says it louder and gets all the credit.

[Delores Morgan @SeynaVip]

Dear Job Application, if this is an entry level position, how am I supposed to have previous experience...

[Kari Voss @sonov90]

Did you hear about the cemetery that raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

Loyal women deserve the best!

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

Negative people need drama like oxygen...Stay positive, it'll take their breath away!

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

"Fight!" ... "Where?!" *WHOLE SCHOOL RUNS.*

[Sally Bowen @93Vseslava]

Every Morning: Me: "I really can't stay." Bed: "But baby, it's cold outside."

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

Urban Outfitters: Why does looking poor cost so much?

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

Dear Google: Please stop being like my wife. Kindly let me complete my sentence before you start to give me suggestions.

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

SWAG = (S)omething (W)e (A)ll (G)et tired of hearing

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

Google: "I have everything!" Facebook: "I know everybody!" Internet: "Without me y'all are nothing." Electricity: "Keep talking, bitches."

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

If my wife ends an argument with "Fine, do what you want!" I'm pretty sure the words "If you do, I'll stab you in your sleep" are implied.

[Bessie Fisher @BegushevProkop]

Take a pic of a friend with their face squished against glass. Assign to phone contact, it'll look like they're trapped inside your phone.

[Joan Campbell @Bezgin1988]

Trying to find a song you heard on the radio by Googling a phrase from it.