Vanessa Morton

Sometimes you have to care less, in order to see if they'll care more....

[Beverly Donahue @DSpataev1976]

My texting speed increases, when I'm mad.

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

I used to be able to make ends meet. But now they just stare at each other awkwardly from across the room.

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

That annoying moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you're watching.

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

White bitches get pregnant and get a show "16 and Pregnant" Black bitches get pregnant and get 30 minutes of Maury.

[Evelyn Tenney @TrenkinMakariy]

American kid: "You're from the UK? Cool! So do you have tea with the Queen?" British kid: "Do you go to McDonalds with Obama?"

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

Thoughts At Walmart: "28 checkout lanes and one 1 is open...and I'm behind the person that is shopping like the world is about to end!"

[Claire McCabe @97Silantiy]

Horror movies don't scare me. But eight missed calls from my mom does.

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

"You've changed" Ummmm actually I think the proper term is "I've stopped trying to please you."

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

I try to donate to charity, but they keep bringing my kids back.

[Laura Reynolds @malyuta76]

Dear face wash commercials, nobody actually splashes their faces with water like that. Sincerely, my whole damn bathroom floor is wet.

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

Relationships last longer when everybody doesn't know your business.

[Rhonda Lee @92Kolukhaev]

RETWEET and see what happens!

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

[Reina Snyder @85Grozdov]

There's a special place in Hell reserved for people who use hashtags on Facebook.

[Tressa Borrego @91Kirik]

How to Save the World: 1) Make a document titled "The World". 2) Save it.

[Joyce Vazquez @gekhtman]

That awesome moment when you're telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you.

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

If you dont know shit, dont say shit.

[Katheryn Steinmetz @IoutsiVip]

Panic attack: when you don't feel your phone in your pocket

[Patricia Troia @apreliyasloboz1]

My friend Phillip has his lip removed today. We just call him Phil now.