Sheryl Pemberton

Hold on to whatever keeps you happy.

[Donna Peterson @Tuvishova6]

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

Whenever someone rings the doorbell, my dog always assumes it's for him.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

Katy Perry, blue hair. Nicki Minaj, pink hair. Rihanna, red hair. Lady Gaga, green hair Power Rangers just Reunited.

[Judith Quandt @ksogdatbanu]

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.

[Cara Rivera @rutatolstonoso1]

You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in? That's God, playing The Sims, canceling your action.

[Lawrence Guerrero @anisiy_sitko]

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

There's a good chance this chocolate cake will need rape counseling after I'm done.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.

[Catherine Wingfield @KspesivykhY]

It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it matters if I win or lose.

[Willa Hank @gnidko2016]

"I love you" "OMG, really? What a coincidence!" "Why? You love me too?" "No, I love myself too!"

[Donna Walker @81Brokha]

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

First time I noticed inflation was when beer prices changed everywhere.

[Jessica Frazier @itubashov]

I'm pretty sure God created only 6 days, Monday was definitely made by Satan.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with those automatic coupon takers at the supermarket.

[Rose William @1977Agashina]

Hmm... these weren't skinny jeans when I bought them.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

"You can't taste me, until you undress me." -Banana.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

But Honey, if I stop eating this third bowl of Cap'n Crunch just because the roof of my mouth is bleeding, then the terrorists have won.