Shannon Miller

An ugly personality will ruin a beautiful face.

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

You 12 years old and u claim to be a "bad bitch"? Sit yo lil azz down and get hooked on phonics.

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

Ever noticed how your funniness goes up 100% when you are around your best friend?

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

Teacher:How old is your dad.Student:He is as old as I am. Teacher:How is it possible? Student:Because he became a dad only after I was born.

[Helen Shumaker @GSlabkovich84]

It would help if they taught English majors how to center the cheese on a McDonald's cheeseburger.

[Lynn Nutting @EtvaliashviliGa]

POLICE OFFICER: "How high are you?" ME: "No officer. It's 'Hi, how are you?'"

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

ME: Well at least somebody's taking my Zombie Apocalypse theory seriously. *glares at wife*

[Robin Yoder @estrilets]

She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying. She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying.

[Judith Snow @khotyantsev]

"Dad, what does 'gay' mean?"

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

I've tried to guess someone's password but failed.

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

I'm not rude, I just refuse to pretend that I like you...

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

Bad decisions make good stories.

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

The best kinds of laughter: 1) Laughing so hard your laugh becomes silent. 2) Feeling a six -pack coming. 3) Tears coming out of your eyes.

[Lorrie Rippy @7_kolomenetsr]

$19.99; Because $20 is an outrageous amount of money!

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

Unicorns can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore, I am a unicorn.

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

If they ain't gonna ride for you then they shouldn't be riding with you.

[Shannon Miller @ASinepalov]

To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.

[Gloria Hancock @chekerf1]

He who laughs last, didn't get it.

[Mary Williams @MissVukol]

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography." - Mark Twain