AndyrealAlu™️

𝕥𝕣𝕪 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕕𝕚𝕖 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕡𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕝 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕕𝕚𝕥𝕪

[AndyrealAlu™️ @AndyrealAl]

Facebookers trying to use twitter

[Social Outcast @SocialOutcast82]

I'm a ray of something, but it ain't sunshine.

[Hollie Harris @allholls]

Me: Another sleepless night.

Friend: I thought your youngest kid hasn't been waking up and interrupting your sleep in the middle of the night for a long time now?

Me: It's me. I'm the problem now.

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

Marriage: To have and to hold.
Divorce: To hold onto half.

[AndyrealAlu™️ @AndyrealAl]

@CarpeDeann Howdy you. ❤️

[Deann @CarpeDeann]

Being good at math is a curse. You’re always putting two and two together.

[AndyrealAlu™️ @AndyrealAl]

@MonkeysMarch What about your avocados? 🤔

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

On average, I spend about $150 a year to watch bananas turn brown.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not bloated this is just your body now.

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

“Well my mom loves me”

Me: yeah well that’s what makes moms so special…they love you no matter what the hell is wrong with you

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

The more I hate doing something the less time it takes

[AndyrealAlu™️ @AndyrealAl]

@AuntCunt happy day of birth. Live longer and prosper more 🙏🏾

[AndyrealAlu™️ @AndyrealAl]

@RunOldMan I m getting a studio. No room mate for me 😂

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

Anyone know if we can make roommate requests for that special place in Hell?

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

Cats are only nice to us to get food

It’s all part of big Purrma

[AndyrealAlu™️ @AndyrealAl]

@Cornjerker78 You have cat to be kitten me right meow 😩

[SpecialKimtamine™ 🏴‍☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🚩 @LorazeKim]

Tell someone that you love them but scream it at them in German so it’s utterly terrifying

[lals @Alanascottish]

Order black coffee and look at ya and say," I don't know how to do that. 🤪😂

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

Some people call me crazy... I prefer the phrase "happy with a twist."

[𝕊𝕥𝕖𝕝𝕪𝕟𝕟𐮜 @Lifeofstelynn]

Be the reason someone says “what the fuck is wrong with you” today.