Ash Hole

Your skull would make a fantastic birdhouse. @fullblowndave is my siamese twin

[GungaTits® @GungaTits]

If you wanted your son to be good at sports instead of a future powerbottom then maybe you shouldn't of named him "Basil".

[GungaTits® @GungaTits]

*seductively applies lipstick to prolapse*

[𝐵𝓇𝑜𝒻𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑜𝓇 𝕏 @1_swarthy_dude]

[first date]

Her:[flirtacious]"I'd knock your socks off."

Me:[adjusting my sock garters] "Pfft, I'd like to see you fucking try!"

[GungaTits® @GungaTits]

The best part about sex is the roundhouse kicks.

[Amber @bloodberry_tart]

my gf was listening to jazz when i met her & now she listens to crust. just a little inspiration for all y'all with fixer uppers out there

[Tony @tsm560]

If it ain't broke let me take a crack at it.

[God @OmgMeDamnit]

I deeply regret most of you.

[God @OmgMeDamnit]

Everything happens for a reason you make up afterwards.

[God @OmgMeDamnit]

I only reveal Myself to stoners, schizophrenics and conservative Republicans.

[sam.i.am @samiam604]

"You had me at hello."

Now, let's fall for one another with kinky sexting and freaky nudes.

~a Twitter love affair

[Evil Dad @evildadatron]

When encountering the twitter troll, be sure not to scare it off because they're a very rare and endangered species nearing extinction.

[Evil Dad @evildadatron]

Ever get jealous of homeless people because everyday's a picnic for them?

[Evil Dad @evildadatron]

If one of you could lock me in your basement and torture me until the snow melts...

I just might beat this seasonal depression for once.

[Cloyd Rivers @CloydRivers]

Merica. @tariqnasheed