Evil Dad

Not your daddy

[RaspberryheART @Jenny4ashley]

There should be more types of depression by now.

[RaspberryheART @Jenny4ashley]

I call my depression and anxiety levels "cheech & chong" because they are so high.

[Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug]

If I tell you I’m hungry, it’s already too late

[ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian]

That’s a pretty hot political take on Facebook there college acquaintance who use to blow random dudes at musical festivals for drugs.

[Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug]

I adopt cats because I can't have any of my own.

[OneFunnyMummy @OneFunnyMummy]

My hips don’t lie but damn would it kill ‘em to fib a little.

[Noodles @Dawn_M_]

If you hold a warm baked potato it feels like you're holding someone's hand without having to touch anyone.

[Swishergirl @Swishergirl24]

There may be a law against texting and driving but there’s no law that says I can’t take my coat off while I’m driving

[Oh Poca @1KelliBelle]

Living for an entire lifetime sounds fucking exhausting

[OneFunnyMummy @OneFunnyMummy]

In parenthood you're either cleaning up shit, losing your shit, or pretending to have your shit together.

[RaspberryheART @Jenny4ashley]

Unless the liquor store is about to close, there is no excuse for speeding.

[☆ Petote ☆ @Petote]

Someday I wanna un-die like a celebrity

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

I can't wait for the day when we abolish the concept of a president and just have a counsel of Ricks

[Green-Eyed Ninja @theamyjay]

ATTENTION BASICS: Romper season is now over. Please proceed w/ pumpkin spice as your go-to handheld item & Ugg boots for fashion staple.

[Hand Solo™ @RdrJay47]

The Purge, but it's just everyone jerking off wherever they want.

[Noodles @Dawn_M_]

[plummeting from a huge cliff to my death] I'm hungry

[RaspberryheART @Jenny4ashley]

My favorite saying is "I love you and I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk".

[@sshole @Lisa_Laughs_]

We're still doing this? Okay, cool.

[GrossHopper @AGStr8upNinja]

Doctor: How many beers do you have in a week?

Me: It's not a competition.

[ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian]

People who say you don't need drugs to have fun have obviously never seen a naked middle aged man fight two cops in an Arby's parking lot.