Steampunk Couple’s Therapist

[Thomas White @len0killer]

Looking back I don’t even remember why we kidnapped Nancy Guthrie 🤦‍♂️

[Dr. Herb Risotto PhD 🇵🇸 @MildCuthbert]

The Chinese Drew Pavlou impersonator I hired for my son's fourth birthday made a complete fool of himself.

[faget83629031852 @faget9261530128]

flushing my dead 60 lb dog down the toilet like its a fish

[iris! 🏳️‍⚧️ @irisketball]

BREAKING: The Milwaukee Bucks are trading two-time MVP Giannis Antetokounmpo and Thanasis Antetokounmpo to the Miami Heat in exchange for... f-for... wait.. no- mmph... we can't.. we're both girls.. k-kyaa! your lips are s-so tender.. mmwa... mmggghhh...

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

The story of Icarus provides us with a valuable lesson: never fuck up real bad

[jos @josiahhughes]

because music got better

[Got CTE from playing Peek-a-Boo @doulbedoink]

Charles Barkley: And i wanna say, during pride month, if you are GAyy, if you are transgender, I LOVE you (The wind around him starts to whip, he starts levitating a full foot off the ground) but y’know shaq, those trans women down in SAN ANTONIO

[Thomas White @len0killer]

One question burned into every fan’s mind tonight: Do the players have to drive their cars home?

[Murdoink @Murdoink]

Ratts Tyerell dying for 2 hours

[James Harden @JHarden13]

I pray that these people are ok. A serious car crash.

[Velodus✨ @velodus]

I still can't believe I just saw a 7'5 guy take a pull-up 30-foot game-tying three. This is what it must've been like to see a movie in color for the first time.

[Thomas White @len0killer]

You should be allowed to fight somebody on a plane every five years

[Old Man Rattle @OldRattleMan]

the beatles should have recorded an album called gamestop pussy

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

So I can’t vape in an airplane bathroom but anybody is allowed to just have diarrhea in there?

[WH @hastifliche]

WhatsApp messages from your Dutch electrician be like:

late to-day, fifteen minutes. i've been beaten the shit out of

[BRYN_BORANGA @BRYN_BORANGA]

gorilla nonce

[jake @wormpuller]

To the untrained eye I may appear retarded

[aubrey ⚢ @spazmodlc]

pronouncing bjork like fugazi

[Johnny Knoxvilles Strap-on @dykewrestling]

getting your shit rocked and then saying a one liner is such a good bit

[wint @dril]

why breed dogs with jaws large enough to tear through Flesh, when you could breed dogs with minds large enougj to tear through Fallacy.....