Tim Crouch

Smoked applewood, Blackadder, punctuation, otters, rotters, and George & Mildred. NOW with added haiku!

[Fisted Away @fistedaway]

They’d stick a card reader on a fire exit

[Luke Tryl @LukeTryl]

Some reflections on Makerfield groups so far:
1. People really feel the weight of the vote. People are *far* more engaged than I've had in a by-election. For some its a burden, some a privilege. They don't see this as just electing 1 MP, but a decision with UK wide ramifications

[Tim Crouch @BrightonCrouch]

@prodnose r u ok hun?

[Tim Crouch @BrightonCrouch]

@prodnose They’re quoting Marinakis, you doughnut

[La Taberna @LaTaberna009]

On behalf of the entire Vallecas neighborhood, we would like to apologize for what happened yesterday afternoon @CPFC

That marginal and criminal group does not represent us. Vallecas stands for hard work, effort, and passion, values embodied by our president, Martin Presa.

[prithvi k @prithviks]

@FansAgainstVAR_ I say this as an Arsenal Fan. The game is gone. VAR is a cancer to the beautiful game. To think that a game which has stayed the same for 100 years capturing the imagination of the entire world, Somehow needs “improvement” with this farce is an insult to football

[Henry Swain @henryswainjourn]

I don’t really care about people’s personal views, because you can’t change them, but it does baffle me slightly how you can support a club like Palace and be so anti-immigration.

The area, the team, the club, wouldn’t be what it is if it wasn’t for immigration, simply put. #cpfc

[John Smith (son of Harry Leslie Smith) @Harryslaststand]

Instead of banning youth under 16 from social media. The govt should ban seniors over 60 from accessing The Daily Mail, Sun and Telegraph.

[David @Zero_4]

In 2024, The Sun led with several stories regarding Starmer receiving clothes & spectacles from a Labour donor - even repeating accusations he’s “King of the Freebies”

In 2026, The Sun hasn’t published a *single story* about Farage receiving a £5m gift from a Reform donor

[Essential Mastery @EssentialMastry]

“Being hated by idiots is the price you pay for not being one of them.”

- Jean Cocteau

[Owen Jones @owenjonesjourno]

A retweet by Zack Polanski is now the main story across every single media outlet.

Two days ago, it was revealed that Nigel Farage failed to disclose a £5 million gift from a crypto-billionaire.

It gets nowhere near the media attention, for straightforward political reasons.

[bald 🇪🇺🏆🏆🏆 @palarsebald]

Things that have happened since Brighton last won at Selhurst:

- The entire Palace squad from that fixture has left the club, and six of them have retired

- The Queen of England died

- COVID hit

- 2 national lockdowns

- Russia invaded Ukraine

- Abramovic sold Chelsea

- John Textor has since bought and also sold shares in Palace

- Palace signed Ebere Eze & Michael Olise

- Palace won the FA cup and community shield

- Palace sold Ebere Eze & Michael Olise

- Michael Olise won the Bundesliga and got nominated for the Ballon d’Or

- Sheffield United got promoted, relegated, promoted and then relegated again

- Luton got promoted from League One to the Premier League, beat Brighton 4-0, then got relegated back down to League One

- Palace have beaten Millwall 3 times

- Willian has signed for Fulham 3 times

- The AI boom

- Liverpool won the champions league and the PL twice

- Lionel Messi won the Copa America, the World Cup, and another 3 ballon d’ors

- Roy Hodgson left Palace 3 times

- Watford have had 14 managers

- Leicester won the FA Cup, got relegated, got promoted and got relegated again

- Southampton lost 9-0 twice

- Vincent Kompany won the league, retired, got Burnley promoted on 101 points, got them relegated, left for Bayern & won the Bundesliga

- Elon Musk bought Twitter

- OceanGate submarine imploded

- Apple have released 8 new iPhones

- Brighton have won 0 (zero) trophies

[Rushi @rushicrypto]

I don’t care if someone works in an office, a warehouse, a restaurant, or cleans floors. If you give 40 hours of your life every week, you should be able to pay rent, buy groceries, cover your bills, and still have enough left to breathe a little. That shouldn’t be some dream. It should be normal. The fact that so many people work full-time and still live stressed, behind, and one emergency away from disaster tells you this system is failing the people who keep it running.

[Richard Keys @richardajkeys]

What’s happened at Leicester is sad - and wrong. They’ve been relegated after a six-point deduction for financial irregularities whilst City are about to win another title with 135 charges unanswered 3 years later. How can this be?

[Claire 💙 @clairebubblepop]

Oh yeah quick reminder… asylum seekers can’t claim benefits. You need an NI number for that. They live on £49.18 a week. Would love to see any of you live on that. So yeah they ain’t living it large you absolute melts.

[Brendan May @bmay]

Man’s girlfriend is very annoyed that the free press she champions, despite having emigrated to a dictatorship without one, is investigating her boyfriend for stuff she says people who aren’t her boyfriend, like Angela Rayner, should resign over.

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

Publisher: So you've given us a book about a big friendly giant, one about an enormous crocodile, and another where a granny grows as big as a house. What's new?
Roald Dahl: There's this peach...
Publisher: Is it -
Roald Dahl: It's fucking huge

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

The BBC should make all of the Peel Sessions available to stream on the Sounds app. They're recordings of incredible cultural significance and shouldn't be left to languish in a vault.

[Danny Baker @prodnose]

Look at this bullshit.
This is what football supporters have been cowed into accepting in their game by television.
Fuck off television. And every single vampire creep who is an apologist for this nonsense

[Tim Crouch @BrightonCrouch]

Michael Olise is the best player in the world