some guy

the guy who burned down notre dame🔥🔥 natural leader, power obsessed, pervert — i tweet in front of a live studio audience

[Ernest Strawfield @FKAGEORGEY]

Mitch McConnell the type of dude who would die and a bunch of spiders and worms burst out of his body

[The Fel-Gnome Wizard @Lv100WormMage]

The worst thing about betrayal is that it never comes from a stranger

[nice young man @dylmichaelc]

no and i dont have sex either

[Ash Stabbath @ashstabbath]

Obsessed with this sound and visual

[kelsie @iPad_Latino]

We had a really mean python at work and I gave him back to his owner and was like “he was trying to kill me” and his owner said “well, he only has so many ways to interact with the world. All he has is a face” and it Moved Me

[Mitya @Discollaborator]

Yeah, I eat people. They keep me in a big scary labyrinth and they won't let me out and sometimes they send people in and it's the only thing I get to eat. If they sent pizzas in, I'd eat that, but they don't. Just people.

[some guy @Chef_Moyar_D]

@erinelogan I work at a movie theater and once an old guy ordered half a bowl of popcorn and this his wife walked up and was like “seriously? Top that off”

[Adrizzle 🇵🇸 @36_chambuhz]

Salamander language has 80 different words for humidity

[ирис @saltwatermp3]

The moon looks like a dime today. 10 cent moon. It's going to fall right down into the grocery store parking lot so I can pick it up and take it home and have good luck forever and a day

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

It’s important to know your faults. For example if I’m not careful my Kermit the Frog impression will often veer into Marvin the Martian territory

[Jane Schoenbrun @sapphicspielbrg]

If u guys r having anxiety abt searching this one on google get ready for my next film BARELY LEGAL COEDS AT CAMP TENDER QUEER AWAKENING

[Head in the Office @headintheoffice]

“13 moderate Democrats”

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

(pick me monkey) I prefer wire mother

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

I finally got a cork for my birdhouse. Birds kept getting out of that hole

[ManKind @themkoffline]

get observed idiot

[Hollymore @Hollymore10703]

Ppl look at u crazy when you look at them on the subway like yes I wanna look at you bitch you’re part of the mosaic of life

[Fisted Away @fistedaway]

This is like finding another angle of 9/11

[some guy @Chef_Moyar_D]

Where’s The Mummy

[Tom Cruise @TomCruise]

For the last 46 years, it has been my privilege to work alongside countless talented artists and crews to create these characters, stories, and films for you all.

I'm looking forward to seeing you at the movies! DIGGER. Only in theaters this October.

[aIenka @ankyhaidy]

by age 22 you should have set someone's downfall in motion. by age 25 your own downfall should be set in motion