Chloe

[Fake Showbiz News @FakeShowbizNews]

Mariah Carey says her driving’s been so poor recently that if she had a crash, she’d just have to hold her hands up and say “it’s been coming”

[latke @latkedelrey]

social media is so…. sleeping on your side ages you. drinking with a straw ages you. laughing ages you. going outside without all of your skin covered and a giant hat ages you. crying ages you. and at a certain point it’s like. girl idgaf. being alive ages me! that’s the point!

[trish @ultragloss]

bastille was so right. how AM i gonna be an optimist about this..

[I Think You Should Leave memes 💦🥩 @ITYSL_memes]

Me (daytime): ugh I just want to sleeeep

Me (lying in bed at night):

[biruktiwrites on bluesky @BiruktiWrites]

god this made my heart ache

[Fred Delicious 🍆 @Fred_Delicious]

woke activists are now trying to take away God's big juicy balls. the idea of an ancient bearded person ruling the universe from the sky is completely ridiculous if he doesn't have an enormous thick cock swinging around in the clouds

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

went outside this morning and the grinch was laying face down in my yard. thought the little guy had just tuckered himself out stealing christmas again but, no, he’s fully dead.

[clintoris @clintoris]

Just ruined my night (processed an emotion)

[Chloe @ChloeShoey]

@SeabinPodcast Let us thank the Lord for this bountiful...PENIS?!

[Daniel Howell @danielhowell]

two things are inevitable - people will stand up for their rights and when the desperate evil old fucks that control the current political class die the world will be a better place

[cory @coolmathgame_]

british person: eat it

me: [tears in my eyes] it’s 5:30 in the morning

british person: [puts knife to my throat] eat the fuckin beans

[Scott Bryan @scottygb]

STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND WATCH THIS MOMENT FROM THE ONE SHOW

[Mike Tyson @MikeTyson]

I don’t understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. They don’t bother no one.

[chrissy @chrissychlapp]

i love to lay down. love it. can’t think of anything better honestly.

[Flups @TheRealFlups]

HISTORICAL FACT: Henry VIII’s second wife, Anne Boleyn was tried and found guilty of treason. However, her brother Wom was found not guilty so went free.

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

me: why does my back hurt a little

webmd: fuck dude what? your back??

me: yeah why

webmd: fuck man oh my god