DadBroDad

A Real Dad

[DadBroDad @DadBroDad1]

I asked if my wife wanted to have sex and she accused me of being a depraved sex addict because we (and I quote) had sex just last month

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

*gets a cardboard cutout for a boyfriend*

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

5yo words of wisdom: “you’re not liquid...until you’re liquid.”

[Arianna Bradford @thearibradford]

Me: ooh, I’d do him, I’d do him...ew gross, I’d do him after a couple of drinks...

My friends: Arianna, we know it’s been a while since you’ve been out but you’re not supposed to go sit at their table to say that.

[Marcy G @BunAndLeggings]

Me: *sleeping*

3yo: mom, gimme cereal please

Me: isn't your dad in the livingroom?

3yo: ya but he's sleeping

Me: I'm sleeping too

3yo: but you're my mom :)

I'm her mom <3

[Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa]

Me: yay I made it home from the salon without messing up my pedicure!

My dog: *jumping on my feet* bitch, you thought.

[Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ @maryfairybobrry]

My husband just looked up and pointed out a white puffy cloud in the shape of a New Balance shoe and I think he’s finally ascending to the highest level of dad.

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

16 just suggested we buy a snake to kill the mouse that he saw in the garage. No one prepared me to parent these types of requests.

[Rhyming Mama @sarabellab123]

*the night I met my spouse*

Me: I don’t usually do this.

*present day, as the kids binge YouTube*

Me: I don’t usually do this.

[Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ @maryfairybobrry]

My husband popped in from work and surprised me. After whispering a sexy suggestion to him he whispered back, “I was just in the area and I really gotta poop.”

[Snarky Mommy @SnarkyMommy78]

My 4yo made me do a puzzle before I’d had coffee. Her cruelty clearly knows no bounds.

[DadBroDad @DadBroDad1]

@sarabellab123 YES AND IT POKES

[DadBroDad @DadBroDad1]

I sent my wife nudes and she bought me a training bra 🥺

[DadBroDad @DadBroDad1]

@Duncarin01 🙌🏻😊

[DadBroDad @DadBroDad1]

@Mom_Overboard You really are 😉😏

[DadBroDad @DadBroDad1]

@Mom_Overboard She is. You’re so much nicer 😍

[DadBroDad @DadBroDad1]

@maryfairybobrry

[Marcy G @BunAndLeggings]

Me: I have some good news, and some bad news

Husband: what's the good news?

Me: I ate pizza

Husband: that's my pizza

Me: that's the bad news

[Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa]

Him: I hate when you clam up and don't talk. You know what, two can play at that game.

Me: yes, the game is charades and that's kind of the point.

[Laura Marie @lmegordon]

Sent my husband nudes and he asked me which mole I was worried about.

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

Sent my husband nudes and he said, “could you not?”