Mason

I'm the Bearded Tattooed Superman of our time. Here to fight for truth and justice! Who am I kidding, I'm here for the booze and sex.

[Mason @Defynorm]

I'd like to thank the furniture store @ethanallenatx for favoriting my tweet about amateur porn in hotel rooms!

[Mason @Defynorm]

You don't pay me for the sex, you pay me to leave.

[Mason @Defynorm]

*superglues candy canes to penis and holds up sign that says:

"well, it ain't gonna lick itself"

[SeaShell @DianeP89]

*seductively shakes my jingle bells

[Mason @Defynorm]

*seductively shakes my jingle balls*

[Mason @Defynorm]

I start the night with a Hairy Navel, a Wet Pussy, Sex on the Beach, and a Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against The Wall. Then I open Uber and pick something without an Adam's apple to take home.

[Mason @Defynorm]

Your dick is photogenic AF!

- said no woman in a DM to me ever

[Mason @Defynorm]

@ilovesheepx100 Guys with dogs and a pantry full of peanut butter are much better than guys with just dogs.

[phlaura ✌︎ @MosssGoddesss]

I really just want someone who makes me feel the same way I do when I’m eating cake.

[Sophie2078 @Sophie2078]

Come to the dark side. We have blowjobs. Cookies are overrated.

[Sophie2078 @Sophie2078]

I’m that naive as to actually be nude when I say so on the Internet.

[Sophie2078 @Sophie2078]

I was always skinny because I never swallowed.

[Sophie2078 @Sophie2078]

Guy: I want a divorce.
Me: And who are you?
Guy: I’m your husband! We live together for 6 years!
Me: Hmm.. No way! Are you sure?

[Sophie2078 @Sophie2078]

Today I’m wearing black because my enthusiasm just died.

[Sophie2078 @Sophie2078]

Me: Are you here to collect my soul?
Angel of death: Haha, you still think you have one. After those 1.000.000.000 selfies?! You’re so sweet

[GG @Grabnpuss]

You're not the boss of me!

My dog is.

[Mr Wright Now, Maybe @dannyboy7813]

Sorry I stopped sexting you but you changed your AVI.

[Genevieve @Gen22]

Stay on my TL and I'll show you a good time

Or someone will

Maybe