Eli Ruffer

Stand Up Comedian | Features Contributor @ the Onion | Me

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

I made a video playlist of all the sketch comedy videos I've released so far! Check it out if you wanna watch all 8 minutes of it in a row: https://t.co/hKgRyUop0F

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

nice one, the onion!

[The Onion @TheOnion]

FBI Fatally Shoots Man Accused Of Threatening Biden https://t.co/dpZEwJM1qh #WhatDoYouThink?

[Union Hall @UnionHallNY]

One week from tonight! Come have some laughs & drinks with @carolinnycianci and @stillmad_ at The Last Drop on Monday, August 7th!

Featuring:
💦 @ChrisGethard
💦 @jdogfrizzle
💦 Brittany Carney
💦 @Eli_Ruffer
💦 @TocarraElise

🎟️: https://t.co/CnLZe6xvgY

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

Do people pay comedians in food and drink tickets because they’re worried otherwise we’ll just spend it on drugs?

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

I’ve got some friends who play in an instrumental band, and some friends who are an a capella group, so I introduced them

[Tom Cecil @scopgieb]

hosting a cowboy comedy show with my pal @IraqWarLiker on March 2nd @ 8 PM

Featuring an extremely authentic Western lineup including
@Feldfrog
@Eli_Ruffer
@MrIanLockwood
@jennawho11
@shosh_brod
& Xavier Maurice

Get tickets https://t.co/imIdVOhYrU

[Ariel Elmann @aelmann]

(at a bris)
what time is tip-off?

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

Model UN is school sponsored DnD

except instead of playing characters with magical powers in a fantasy world, you play characters with no power at a fantasy organization

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

rain on glass - 10/10

[jeff @jeff_braun_]

wish I lived In a sleepwalkable city so I could unknowingly wander through an active construction site miraculously unscathed

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

zany clip from a recent set at zanies

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

Some highlights from my Just For Laughs set

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

@Feldfrog Come to Brooklyn!

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

ugh i should've known this joke wouldn't work on Elen Musk's twitter 😡

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

I’ve never invested my time such that it vested into more time. If anything, it’s far more likely to vest into a vest, if knitting is what I’ve invested my time doing.

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

it's interesting how 'cool' changes so much decade to decade. For example, today's date (10/11/22) would've been way cooler 10 years ago (10/11/12)

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

I hate when pockets come sewed shut. That's why if I opened a surgery business, I'd offer customers the choice between stitches, buttons, or a zipper.

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

Is it rude that I never offer to take a turn driving when I'm a passenger on the bus?

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

I spilled chowder all over myself at the Airport Red Lobster, at which point I realized I forgot to pack a change of clothes 🤦

[Eli Ruffer @Eli_Ruffer]

@akshaypsa hey wait a minute 😤 🤬

[outlandish thug @michaelhirschbb]

here’s a joke i don’t think will translate well online at all