CannibusLecter

"on the one hand, i’m a depressive misanthropic hateful hypocritical piece of shit"

he/him/that asshole

knows literally everything about god

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

people are like "it doesn't cost anything to be nice" but i did the math and it's like $300 each time.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

@heartsoverall yay

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

me and my family of 8 went for a nice dinner. when the check came the bill was $1300, mostly for schnapps. i left $0.07 and masturbated over by the hostess stand but our server seemed unhappy. am i in the wrong here? i did the best i could.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

but is my heart in it tho?

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

prepping for the divorce and banging hot chicks. excuse me.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

@heartsoverall it went well.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

getting rid of her.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

@John_Chungus_5 no

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

@BuffaloBearGuy Ty

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

i’m not homophobic but these recurring thoughts of having a hairy biker daddy pound my ass while getting my face jizzed on by 12 of his daddy friends while 12 more watch has me vaguely uncomfortable.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

you can’t get a boner every time you see a train anymore without some asshole calling you autistic

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

in breaking news the Trump administration has just deported the bird from “Free Bird”.

Trump spokes person Kyra Floom in a prepared statement noted that “you cannot change the bird but you can send it to a prison in El Salvador.”

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

@BuffaloBearGuy 💅

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

sorry for the lack of tweets, i've been sticking my genitals into the unhardened cement in newly paved highways and it became a whole thing for a few months.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

@BuffaloBearGuy we're so back bestie

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

@BuffaloBearGuy ?

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

@BuffaloBearGuy i don't get it

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

@BuffaloBearGuy buy the gold commemorative Kirk coins. they're a bulletproof financial asset.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

the S&P soared to new heights, buoyed by investors' optimism over what happens after the Apocalypse.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

shocked that JD Vance has not successfully brokered a peace deal with the Iranians. Shocked. Truly shocked. Really really shocked. So shocked. Severely. Wow.

[CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly]

i am holding a news conference on the rescued airman.