Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻

The most American thing you can be is un-American.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

Graphic picture of my dick after being beaten to death by the IDF semen retention unit.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

I'm really just coasting my way into my autoerotic asphyxiation era.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

One time, a woman let me fuck her to the entirety of the Lions in This Game album by Donnybrook, and in retrospect, I should've just married her.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

@carobunga I truly ain't coz I truly not 😔🙏🏼

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

🤌🏼 When my own life instability ends the relationship that I already didn't wanna be in, anyway 🤌🏼

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

If not for a freak genetic predisposition toward self-awareness, I would undoubtedly be a deathcore wigger.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

Women who are actively pregnant but still trying to catch a vibe on Tinder is peak Tower 7 level nonsense.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

Matching with women who have kids and opening up the conversation by giving them an ultimatum: ME OR THE HUMAN LEECHES - YOUR CHOICE. #prochoice

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

I like to lock my car doors when small, dainty women walk by, and look at their faces when they acknowledge it and see that I'm a full-grown man.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

Curse the trauma and mental illnesses that led to all these fine ass women on dating apps letting losers dump in them raw... a lot of times more than once - sometimes 4 and 5 times!

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

Just watched a guy dump his ashtray out into the middle of the street, and I've never wanted to see someone die more.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

Petty or not, I'm not sticking my dick in a fan of Falling In Reverse, and that's final.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

What if they just retrieved ONE body from Everest, thawed that bitch out, and then the vitals returned to normal?

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

@TomiLahren is such a fucking retard.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

@WireRacing For a chomo like him, that place is fucking Shangri-la.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

I feel like in an alternate reality, I'm also discovering crack in my 40s and being pardoned by my demented President father in my 50s.

This is based purely on the fact that Hunter Biden and I have the same birthday, and I'm really surging through my birth chart era.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

Yes, I am aware there's an Out of Order sign hanging from my erect penis, and also, yes, I do appreciate the irony. Are you going to ring me up for this Arizona tea and Takis or fucking nah?

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

Quickly transitioning out of my Netflix and Chill era and into my Nuclear War and Murder/Suicide era

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

A lot of people ask me, "Ryan, how do you sleep at night knowing George W. probably got extramarital head for his response on 9/11?"

Short answer: Not very well.

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

@Chime likes to pull amounts from your Credit Builder card on your itial purchase, then take the amounts a second time, and then try to say that you owe an outstanding balance, like it's a real credit card.

DON'T GET A CREDIT BUILDER CARD

[Ryan Pelaez FKA Frank Zanbeans🔻 @GreazyPeezy]

@DanielRosetti4 @rosiesarerosed @GerardDalbon