ℍ𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝔽𝕣𝕖𝕕𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕜

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[swinky @swinkying]

you’re on Very thick ice with me . i love you

[julia @juumelo_]

I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT (at the marriage registry because I love u)

[Rev. Benjamin Cremer @Brcremer]

Claiming to follow Jesus who was unjustly accused, arrested, and executed by the state, all with religious justification, and then passionately supporting the state without question as it aggressively goes after people has to be one of the most blatant contradictions in history.

[Rich Villodas @richvillodas]

Those in power who abuse others start off believing they’re invincible. And then they start believing they are invisible.

But it all comes to the light.

[Gramps @GrandpaHarris65]

Me:
“Do you have any books on turtles?”

Librarian:
“Hard back?”

Me:
“Yeah, with little heads.”

[Cameron Arcand @cameron_arcand]

Being snobby about where you went to college is wild because here we are… in the same room.

[Amanda Askell @AmandaAskell]

The Bible really does contain a lot of stories where Jesus's followers are like "That person did a bad thing, should we go mess em up?" and Jesus is like "I don't know why I need to keep telling you guys this but no."

[Neil Renic @NC_Renic]

When you’re over the word limit

[Dustin Nickerson @DustinNickerson]

Our kids have very different summers than we did

[Green Can @aGreenCan]

life peaked when i was 5 and saw the scene in Bug's Life where the waitress bug asks "who ordered the poo poo platter?" and laughed harder than I ever have in my life

[ℍ𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝔽𝕣𝕖𝕕𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕜 @HunterFredrick]

Beware the “…cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion.”

You are no king.

[The White House @WhiteHouse]

"CONGESTION PRICING IS DEAD. Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!"
–President Donald J. Trump

[Boze Herrington, Library Owl 😴🧙‍♀️ @SketchesbyBoze]

we need to bring back words like wastrel, rogue, ruffian, ne’er-do-well. there is an epidemic of miscreants doing shenanigans and we have lost the vocabulary to describe them.

[Liz Charboneau @lizchar]

by accepting their pardons the turkeys are admitting guilt

[Brunette Bohemian @Jane_Doe82]

The gang at Sesame Street are gonna get us through this

[• @WordsCocoon]

november 3, sunday...

[Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91]

Me: [Has never touched cocaine]

Me every time I'm at the airport: Oh no what if I accidentally packed a lot of cocaine

[Matty @bestestname]

I feel underqualified to be the only one preventing forrest fires

[Matthew @regionalthicko]

Me when I spy a delicious pie cooling on a windowsill