Mary Beard

Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

"Are you gay?"

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

When I talk to babies and pets I do it like an idiot.

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

Twitter is the only place Where I get excited when a stranger follows you.

[Rae Spears @dzhinai1]

Bad decisions make good stories.

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

Understand the difference between what you're getting... and what you deserve.

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

[Kay Melton @UBorislav]

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

[Alana Kellar @xiqufrqo]

Don't let Facebook fool you, we are not "friends" .

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

I like to put little paper umbrellas in the toilet bowl so my dog feels like she's on vacation.

[Mildred Ashworth @Kasyan98]

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, no way.

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.

[Karin Canada @sfrantenko]

When a movie says based on a true story it gets 10 times scarier.

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

Being nice to people you don't like isn't 'two faced', it's called growing up.

[Tracy Macon @MMolokankina]

Brain : reminds you to do something important, refuse to tell you what it is!

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

I don't care if it's 5am. I don't consider it "tomorrow" until I wake up.

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

You know it's gonna be a great story when it starts of with, "So this bitch..."

[Gladys Rey @rushanmatyushe1]

Nothing is more Beautiful than a real Smile that has struggled through tears..

[Tina Jones @Sharamok8847]

You look like a Barbie!" "Thanks, tall and beautiful right?" "No, plastic and without brain.

[Mary Beard @InosovT]

Teacher: How can we keep our school clean? Student: By staying at home.