J.A.A. LLC

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@CarterCruise You know they had tax loopholes in the '50s too right? They were actually paying under 50%

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

This a nice summary of socialist mindset.

[Jester @Jester36963]

https://t.co/5hwKoatFS5

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@thoughtfulmoney @adamtaggart @LanceRoberts Adam at the Tahoe party 😃

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@adamtaggart "Or attack its neighbors." That applies more to the US than Iran. Who attacked who here? Who launched a surprise attack under a year before this surprise attack and then proclaimed "PROBLEM SOLVED FOREVER"? How long will it be before a certain small country orders us back to war?

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

I am the Chief Commercial Officer at United Airlines.

In April we split business class into three tiers and started charging people to pick a seat in the most expensive cabin on the plane. We call it a fare family, which is, technically, a family, and which is, actually, the same seat with three prices and a velvet rope.

We are the first airline in America to do this.

On the slide it is "more choice," which is officially a benefit and naturally the word that gets bigger every quarter. The board loved that phrase.

I did not make flying more expensive. I made it free, and then I sold it back to you one piece at a time, the way a magician hands you back your own watch and waits for applause.

The fare is the bait. It buys the seat and the air, and nothing else, because I price it to win exactly one fight: the top row on Google Flights.

Everything that makes the seat survivable is what we file as an option, which is technically an option and operationally a toll.

The first bag is $45. It is $50 if you wait until the airport, because waiting is a behavior, and we price behavior the way a casino prices the walk to the exit. We call that a convenience differential, which is, technically, your convenience, and which is, actually, mine.

Here is the part I am proudest of.

The fare is taxed by the federal government at 7.5 percent. The bag fee is not. The seat fee is not. Every dollar I move from the ticket to the fee is a dollar the government cannot reach, which is technically a tax efficiency and which is actually the same dollar wearing a different coat.

I have a slide that calls this Fare Optimization.

The seat is my cleanest product. I built the standard seat at 31 inches. I removed nothing from the airplane, of course. It is the same airplane. I just stopped including the seat in the seat, which is on paper a debundling and which is actually the oldest trick in any store: take the thing out of the price, then sell the thing.

If you fly Basic Economy you get no seat at all. You can pick one for $15, or I will put you in a middle seat in row 41 and separate you from your eight-year-old by four rows unless you pay. We call that family seating optimization, which is, in the deck, a service, and which is, actually, a hostage negotiation where I own the building. A parent at the gate watching the seat map load is, to me, the most beautiful thing in aviation: a customer who has already decided.

Families are my highest-converting segment.

A parent will pay anything. I modeled it.

I invented a number called the Comfort Index. The standard seat scores a 4. The seat seven rows forward scores a 7. I made both numbers up, naturally. The difference between them is three inches, and I charge $79 for the three inches. That is value-based pricing, and the value is your spine.

We are a premium airline. We invented the lie-flat bed. So this year I took the most expensive ticket in the building and found things to remove from it, the way you might keep selling a house by quietly taking out the windows. The cheapest business class now loses the lounge, loses a bag, loses the right to change the flight. That is what premium means now: the floor it costs to stop me from taking more.

Nobody believed you could unbundle business class. I did.

The bag fee floats now. It reads the route, the date, and how many times you have searched this flight, and if you came back a third time, you are committed and the fee can feel it, the way a fever feels a pulse. Demand-responsive pricing, which is officially responsive to demand and which is actually responsive to your desperation.

I board the airplane in nine groups. Not because the airplane needs nine groups, but because nine groups means eight things to escape, and I sell the right to stand up earlier. Group 9 is, on paper, a boarding zone. That is the absence of a product, sold back to you as one.

I have lifetime Global Services. I have never paid a bag fee. I have never folded myself into 31 inches. None of the executives have.

We have a phrase for it. We build the zoo. We do not live in it.

Ancillary revenue hit a record. The word ancillary means a side item, officially, and means the entrée now, actually. So next quarter I am charging for the overhead bin, the seatback screen, and a carbon offset on the carbon I burn flying you there.

I am being given Latin America. I will be President by Q4.

I have already started unbundling the word "included," which is, in the FAQ, a courtesy, and which is now a SKU.

People ask me why the seat is so bad.

Have you ever stood in a showroom and not known you were the one being shown? The bad seat is the showroom for the good seat, and I price the good seat at the exact moment you cannot leave the building.

I still do not know how to fly the airplane.

But I know what the airplane is for. It is not for taking you somewhere. It is for finding out what you will pay to make the next four hours hurt a little less.

The ticket was never the price.

The misery is the price. And the misery is the only thing I have left to sell.

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@ClaireFosterPHD Like when Chauvin was tried in Minneapolis instead of a city not risk another riot if the verdict was different?

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@adamtaggart 🙊🚧

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@wifeyskylar Hi

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@gothburz You have the same tone as the IT Unprofessional and a few other accounts

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@BillboardChris Truly a mask off moment

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@CAgovernor 8-1 Gavin. Doesn't that tell you something?

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@marycatedelvey Me, liking all the posts😀

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@Nerdrotics It sounds like you are trolling...

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@Alinavisooo ❤️

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@itsjessamarin Hi beautiful

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@imnatking Hi

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@DefiantLs @IfindRetards

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@tyler_cline @ConceptualJames He should stay off X Twitter, he does not do well on it.

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@SocietyQueen999 To a man, a purse has a strange psychic entanglement with the vagina. Fishing around and pulling things out is above my pay grade.

[J.A.A. LLC @JAA_LLC]

@adamtaggart Zero percent