jake dumbass chavez

I’d rather be drinkin’ an ice cold Dr. Pepper

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

Y’all just gonna scroll past without sayin’ Howdy?

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

Gonna play the video game series named after stealing cars, then let the virtual cops arrest me when I do an imaginary crime. Because I’m an upstanding citizen.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

@KettlebellLife Tried, but didn’t like doing crime. GTA5 required shooting police officers in the opening scene. Just couldn’t do it.

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

Missed my extra hour of sleep, next 364 days are ruined

[Vinnie Gasparaitis @VGasparaitis]

Houston rocks

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

“Oh he’s the guy from… what was it called? Hang on let me look it up real quick.”

*Getting out my Apple Vision Pro to pull up IMDB*

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

Scripts for the AI voice TikToks are leaking into reality

[The Recount @therecount]

Donald Trump to McDonald’s workers in East Palestine, Ohio:

“I know this menu better than you do. I probably know it better than anybody in here.”

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

Watch out folks, sharing tweets directly to your friend’s DMs is unusual activity. Do not do anything unusual like using Twitter as intended or you may get locked out.

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

I don’t own 6 motorcycles, otherwise I would.

[doncrypto @DonCryptoDraper]

Tom Cruise at 60y free-falling 6 times from a motorcycle for a movie.

whats your excuse?

[clay ⛷️ @hanfjob]

i give off a very “not doing well” vibe that discomforts the people around me

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

I have a friend that thinks he can beat a moose in a fight, so I’d like to see the numbers on moose fight confidence.

[Dr Grayfang @DrGrayfang]

the most American shit ever

[the big homie @thelargehomie]

I wanna go here so bad

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

Inside you there are two wolves. One only tells the truth and the other only lies. You may ask them one question to determine which door is safe to enter.

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

Pantera is so cool, I wish Texas was real

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

King Rizzard & The Lizard Wizard

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

@saint_gert “You think you could help me..”
No. I don’t think I could.

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

My New Year’s resolution is to get worse

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

This Jerry’s Pizza is getting a lot of hype, I gotta give it a shot.

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

I’ll say it. Wrapping presents is fun.

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

@brain_thot Spent a few weekends in high school wrapping gifts for a club lacrosse fundraiser and got really good at it. I also actually enjoy it. It’s kinda cathartic and really rewarding when you finish and it turns out good.

[jake dumbass chavez @JakeIsAJoke]

@_baljot @Srirachachau Big “Lil Stinker” vibes