Paul McFadyen

Brand Ambassador Plantation Rum

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@StoneMountain64 @nickcornes

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@mikefreemanNFL Watch them melt away after the Brady/Bill era comes to an end....

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

*Going down on wife*
Her: Make sure you take a few minutes
Me: Sure *gets out pen and paper*
Her: Not those kind of minutes
Me: *writes* 9:36pm: She complains again

[Steve vs. Ninjas @stevevsninjas]

The earthquake toppled the vending machine onto you the moment you made your selection. It was F8.

[ste(ph)en @stephenjmolloy]

Waiter: How did you find your meal, sir?

Me: Yeah, it was nice.

Waiter: That's not what I meant and you know it.

Me: Another waiter told me where you hid it.

[Allison 💜 @AllieLia]

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

[Mowgli @Holy_Mowgli]

[customer service desk]
customer: hi, I'd like to make a return
me: ok great I'll see you later then

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

lol, none of this is accurate. Victoria was crowned QUEEN by the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY.
Also what’s this dumb bird? https://t.co/Tww9Y8le0X

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@blinverted @bombacioustee @JordanJamie @AlimonteLina @GregShugar @realDonaldTrump @HillaryClinton @POTUS @GOP 5 guilty pleas from close members of the Trump camp and counting. I’d say the evidence is mounting up.

[Schmrrrlex @alexlumaga]

Facebook: You have a memory to look back on today
*shows a picture of my own funeral*
Me: *tries to click on the image but my hand goes right through the mouse*

[Bess Kalb @bessbell]

Everything is terrible but my cousin’s 9-year old daughter Alice has been quietly and masterfully slaying the @NewYorker’s caption contest and it’s pure delight.

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@MinnPatriot @Angela_Chochi If houses are a fire hazard, the govt regulates. And if planes are unsafe, or someone hijacks, security increases. But if kids over and over murder each other with military weapons you ignore it? What is it about basic checks to stop lunatics getting guns that scares people?

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@fortrancobal @Angela_Chochi Suuuure! So the £130k from Trump’s lawyer was just a gift? And making a stranger sign a non-disclosure agreement, was what exactly?

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@davidhogg111 a gun without background checks, limits on magazine sizes or type of murder stick. They want them, so therefore every insane nutter deserves them too. All the while every other nation on earth looks on at a Russian controlled American empire in its dying days

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@davidhogg111 Take a step back and see this is it, Americans. You have one side of young adults who are only asking that guns don’t get into the hands of psychos legally. They’re friends have just been murdered in their classrooms by a crazy man too young to it alcohol, but supposedly old 1/3

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@davidhogg111 lunatics getting assault rifles is a good idea? The right is character assassinating these kids, being convinced by their one side media that they are actors or agitators, or whatever, declaring them unconstitutional. Because they believe any terrorist should be allowed to 3/4

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@davidhogg111 enough to buy an assault rifle with no training and no background checks. A position so reasonable that even the most avid gun owner couldn’t reasonably disagree with. Why, if you were a sensible ‘good guy with a gun’, would you disagree that background checks to slow down 2/4

[Paul McFadyen @Londontiki]

@ArfMeasures @Holy_Mowgli That’s a winner

[Jon @ArfMeasures]

ME: I dislike myself
THERAPIST: That's quite common
ME: Really?
THERAPIST: Yes, for example, I don't like you

[Steve vs. Ninjas @stevevsninjas]

I wake with amnesia, wearing a tuxedo. OK, I'm either James Bond or a magician. I feel a bulge by my ribs. Must be my gun.
The bulge makes a cooing sound. That settles that. But why am I a spy with a gun that coos?