Boomer

Stop. Push it.

[Pierre L’Fauex @LFauexProd]

Americans love cars because they combine their two favorite things: sitting down and killing people

[paige @BonerWizard]

Cleaning out old screenshots

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

(leaked 911 call I made as my friend was being mauled to death by a chimpanzee) This chimp is bad news

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

In the pyrite community we refer to gold as "fool's pyrite"

[meatwad @burner9977]

This 97 year old brothel still serves pussy the old fashioned way

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

(Throwing up white foam) My foam !

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Me *frantically walking around to every other tribe member on Survivor*:

If you vote me out tonight I'm going to kill you in real life. Don't make me do this. Please don't make me do this.

[black pepper cracker @__angoose]

Pioneering the “Irish Hello” where I turn up unannounced to a friend’s location

[fishious @fishquichee]

(Making small talk) who are you

[cumweiser @cumweiser]

fantasy football punishment: call in an amber alert on your own car and then drive around until you get pulled over

[wint @dril]

thanks to AI our slow and humiliating national suicide will be punctuated by visual media that is so good even a dog could jack off to it

[John Attridge @John_Attridge]

My favourite productivity hack is to eat your lunch as soon as you get to work. Get it out of the way

[Alex Horne @AlexHorne]

🎂

[SimplyUtd @SimplyUtd]

🚨 🎥 This Manchester United vs Bayern Munchen final will forever be the greatest Final in football history 🔴

[wicked wigger of the west @Nick_Cerveza]

Sensei: you lack discipline. You jack off without purpose

Me: I jack off to bust, old man

Sensei: (wry smile) heh. You have much to learn..

[Sridhar Ramesh @RadishHarmers]

Each war is justified by noting how it won't be like the last one.

[chad @chasedbywasps]

walking up to a stranger and saying "all is forgiven" then walking away

[brendle @brendlewhat]

lacan once said 'the very foundation of interhuman discourse is misunderstanding.' what the hell is that supposed to mean you french fag

[Errai @errai]

(after charging a punch for 34 years) watch this (I miss)