Cassi Rohlfer

child of the Warrior King of heaven. stay humble, hustle hard.

[Cassi Rohlfer @MakeYouSing]

Nothing in my hand I bring // simply to the cross I cling

[claire de lune @ClaireMPLS]

i’m just gonna say it: some of yall aren’t qualified for self checkout. if you don’t have an internal sense of urgency and fine motor skills, leave it to the professionals cause the rest of us are trying to keep it pushin

[SpursMuse @spurs_muse]

ELMO JUST SAW A BUTTERFLY

[Ali B @wtflanksteak]

Star Wars' ability to create "fun lil guys" is unmatched.

[Cassi Rohlfer @MakeYouSing]

@OrevaZSN caller whyD, if you will

[Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn]

I’m not trying to flex on being a great Christian or anything but I have never in my life had to explain that the golden statue I was worshipping was technically not a calf so you can’t get mad at me

[Jum @JesterJum]

Once I became a parent, I finally understood that Star Wars scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering all of Luke's questions that he just dies.

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

dress for my body type? I don’t think so I’m gonna be dressing for my brain type (mentally ill in a way where I can only wear soft fabrics with stretchy waistbands or I feel like I’m dying)

[spor @sporadica]

humans have existed for 300,000 years and you just happen to be alive for the very first moment in all history that humans can SEE INSIDE OF A TORNADO

how can you not feel blessed

[sam 🍂 @burritoprophet]

the fact that astronauts in space still have to deal with microsoft office products feels unfair. like you’re in space. that’s an earth problem

[Everything Price Sufferer (but especially eggs) @agraybee]

April 1st lost its novelty now that every day is Lie On The Internet Day.

[Manish @ManishEarth]

given the existence of skeleton and luge, i postulate the existence of two other, yet to be discovered, winter olympic sports

[𝓜𝓪𝓽𝓽 ✈️ @mldiffley]

The Winter Olympics are so funny because how do even find out you’re good at launching yourself of a mountain and surviving

[Mitchell Byars @mitchellbyars]

Happy sixth birthday to the greatest tweet ever tweeted

[Cape Ann, bottom shelf @_JiggityJohnson]

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless

[Lost Internet @LostMemeArchive]

"the 6 7 meme is so dumb!"

what we found funny in 2014:

[girly&wordly @Brieyonce]

Every winter I act like it’s my first year on earth and am completely confused how and why it’s cold outside.

[Business Woman Themed Clown @vegetalpuppet]

your family deserves nothing 10 inch apple

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

This meeting could have been an overnight visit from three ghosts

[trash jones @jzux]

fomo is a summer thing. winter is all about fogo (fear of going out)