Mommy_May_I

Keeping it all together when everything seems to be pulling you apart. How do Moms do it?

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

@OhhMyKawaii From a 12 year old named Skylar posted on my moms Twitter -love Skylar

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

It's amazing how well procrastination does not work for Twitter.

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

@SCEStreicher My 2 thoughts - double sided sicky tape or drilling bottom to the wall...

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

@SCEStreicher
You probably already know all of these, but I was impressed.

51 Genius Hacks Teachers Actually Swear By https://t.co/cIuu7Yh3HB

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

I could have been someone's grandma-tic musical inspiration... but I waited until 35 to have my first child.

[bottom of my purse @Bottomofmypurse]

I wonder how many years it will take my kids to realize that “I’ll do it in a minute” really means “I hope you get distracted and forget.”

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

@Chrome_Dragons #FORTNITE players watch out, my kid's even got the dance moves down.

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

The kids have too many toys. I told them to decide Keep, Give, or Sell. So today...

8yo: What is this (McD's toy in hand)?
Me: Oh, they must have switched the toy from your sister's. I'll exchange them.
8yo: That's ok. What do you think I could get for it?

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

Another sleeping photo, but he's so precious like this. Then he wakes up... https://t.co/WztYFZyHZ7

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

It's like she's me...

[The Salty Mamas @saltymamas]

5 minutes into trying to get 2 to take a nap: singing you are my Sunshine, holding him close, wondering how my baby grew up so fast.

45 minutes in: "keep.your goddamn feet to yourself or I'm OUT OF HERE"

[Ｍｏｍｚｉｌｌａ @milliondollrfam]

6 things that are socially acceptable after becoming a parent:

1. Using spit to clean someone's face

2. Picking another person's nose

3. Smelling someone else's butt

4. Eating scraps of leftover food

5. Complaining about being tired

6. Hiding in a closet with snacks

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

@tfletch800 39 is the new 29!!! Next thing you know, it'll be the new Alf Hawaiian Shirt + 7 years...

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

My favorite game store is getting prepared, with prizes!!!

[Slackers @Slackers]

Love Game of Thrones? Can't wait to see the fate of your favorite characters? Us too. Stop into your local Slackers to cast your votes for who lives, dies or becomes a wight in season 8! You could win some rad prizes if you get the most points!

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

@Slackers So, how much does it cost for a buy in? 😉

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

And I now have a new respect for these employees. 😂

[Slackers @Slackers]

Apparently it needs to be said: please don't change your baby diapers in our stores, on our comic tables.

It isn't sanitary for your baby. And it certainly isn't sanitary for our comics.

Thank you.

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

This is what it's all about! https://t.co/Wr6TcPS3yR

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

Or experiencing silence 🤐

[John Cena @SohnCena]

I have a hard time relating to non parents. They’re always doing fancy things like “eating hot food ” or “drinking for pleasure” or “sleeping normally.”

Uppity assholes.

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

@Lhlodder I say if there isn't a stench, they're not really kids. They are pod people come to invade!

[Mommy_May_I @Midwest_Momm]

@messsy_bun_life The first time this happened they went over to his sister's. After about 30 min. I got in my car and showed up at my sister-in-law's.