Mr. Del Freaky

AKA @iAmDelFreaky of @BeyondThe140 fortune & fame. The 9 shirts & 4 hats sold allow me to live a life of luxury, but I won't let it go to my head *slurps Ramen*

[Mr. Del Freaky @MrDelFreaky]

I wish I could've seen the original fight involving rock, paper, and scissors. Then maybe, just maybe, it would make more sense to me.

[Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams]

If IKEA and LEGO combined forces our children could make our furniture.

[Princess Buttercup @GoldenSpirals]

My Son beat cancer.

Anything that happens after this moment, is irrelevant.

[Baby Swayze @buhsbaby]

Date Idea:
Share a bottle of cough syrup and do some over the clothes stuff.

[Mr. Del Freaky @MrDelFreaky]

I've been in my car and covering my face for over an hour, waiting for the paparazzi to leave, then I realized it was just a parking meter.

[That Carly Girl @thatcarlygirl]

Sometimes I worry about the anonymity on Twitter, like maybe I'm accidentally laughing at jokes made by Sarah from high school you bitch.

[SoulBrodeler @SoulYodeler]

The grace with which I exit a bean bag chair can only be described as "poetry in motion" if such poetry evokes a manatee fucking a life raft

[elizabeth @Elizasoul80]

I wonder if my bed is thinking about me right now too.

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

Parenting is like one of those cool detective shows, only instead of a murder, you're trying to figure out WHO DID THIS TO THE TOILET PAPER?

[moody monday @mdob11]

Me: I'm shy
Tequila: Not anymore

[Mr. Del Freaky @MrDelFreaky]

Me: *gets held back by three co-workers* Let me go, I'm gonna kill him!

CW: He's new, give him a chance!

Me: But he said, "good morning"!

[RaspberryheART @Jenny4ashley]

Of course you can be anything you wanna be. That's how delusions work.

[slam dance tarantula @JermHimselfish]

Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can't remember the lyrics.

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

Serious talk around the office about replacing me with a foosball table.

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

A cone of shame, but to stop you from taking selfies.

[Floyd @dafloydsta]

HER: I'm leaving you
ME: But why?
HER: There's just no chemistry between us anymore
CHEMISTRY: Wow, I'm like right here

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

“That's it! No more drinking! I'm only drinking and eating healthy from now on...”

Me drunk in the backyard about to eat a pinecone

[Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve]

The wife wants me to be a doctor in our sex role playing. So I guess I'll make her wait an hour, then send her to a specialist

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

I ain't afraid of no ghost, but I am afraid of one or more ghosts.