Carrie Paez

Don't say you're happy because everything is alright, but be happy because while everything is complicated, you're still doing fine.

[Winifred Sorensen @94Akhmadeev]

That awkward moment when you fail at being mad at someone because they make you laugh.

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

The 1st was masturbating, but that just made funerals awkward.

[Cristy Osborne @borodak1985]

"Dad, was there colored TV when you were a kid?"

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

Multi-tasking : Screwing up several things at once

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

SPOILER ALERT! You die at the end.

[Margaret Velazquez @khamchishkin87]

Hmm... these weren't skinny jeans when I bought them.

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

This is a "A" & "B" conversation. . . So "C" your way out before "D" jumps over "E" & "F"s you up like a "G"

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

Don't mix between my personality and my attitude because my personality is ME and my attitude depends on YOU.

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

Accidentally typing what you just heard.

[Sylvia Kearney @edozyxM]

When I'm depressed I cut myself.... a piece of cake

[Amber Frye @F6Kutashovaz]

*4am text message* "Hey are you asleep?" - "No I'm scuba diving, what the fuck do you want?"

[Lawrence Guerrero @anisiy_sitko]

Good things WON'T come to those that wait! They have to take the things that are left by those who got there first!

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

Im as single as a dollar and Im not looking for change.

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

Me: "Dad, how does it feel having an awesome son?" Dad: "I don't know, ask your grandpa."

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

Hmm... these weren't skinny jeans when I bought them.

[Helen Camp @pdobryashchev]

A computer science student cleaned his hands with a soap after removing a virus from his computer.

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

[Carrie Paez @MsSavvatey]

Throwing your phone in anger, then checking if it's still okay.