Kelly Jay

I like to think I'm witty. I also like to think my abs are made of steel.*

I act. I eat Doritos.

*My abs are not made of steel.

[Kelly Jay @MynameisKelly]

Kids told me not to go to one house on our street because of the mean old man who lived there. It was my house and my dad. #HalloweenFail

[Mike Birbiglia @birbigs]

I think if a comedian wants to weigh in on vaccines their jokes should have to be 95% effective.

[Lehigh Valley with Love @LVwithLove]

"Strong men" work together to protect their community, not harass those in the process of doing so.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

If they don't call the "Cruella" sequel "Crueller," I'm not sure what we're all even doing here.

[Kelly Jay @MynameisKelly]

@neverfal_ Love this! Congrats and many more! ❤

[Kelly Jay @MynameisKelly]

Saw the sunrise this a.m.

Don't fall for the hype. Just watch a sunset. It's basically the same thing, but at a more decent hour.

#sunrise #sunset #tired #allnighter #Filmmaking #actorslife

[tate @50FirstTates]

me: i’d like to go to this place

google maps: u walking? i bet ur walking

me: no i’m driv-

google maps: it’s gonna take u 5 hours hope ur wearing comfy shoes

[Kelly Jay @MynameisKelly]

@ZacSayRelax Wait. I don't know if I like this or not.

[Mark Agee @MarkAgee]

It’s possible the CDC saw a bunch of us trying to hoard gasoline in old Burger King cups and just gave up

[caitie delaney @caitiedelaney]

I have a deadline today so you know what that means. Everyone I’ve ever met in my entire life will be receiving a text from me

[Matthew Broussard @mondaypunday]

Women are expected to have no leg hair, no arm hair, no facial hair, no nipple hair and then eyebrows like Eugene Levy.

[charlie @chunkbardey]

keeping myself sharp by regularly asking myself tough questions like “what happened yesterday” and “what was i planning on doing just now”

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

next pandemic is it okay if we do science right off the bat

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

Ok, maybe I was wrong....

[Gritty @GrittyNHL]

The only bracket that matters this March.

𝗚𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝘆'𝘀 𝗨𝗹𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗕𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗕𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝘁𝘀.

A thread:

[lai @cinecults]

introverts whenever they get the order wrong

[Ben Cichy @bencichy]

Got a 2.4 GPA my first semester in college. Thought maybe I wasn’t cut out for engineering. Today I’ve landed two spacecraft on Mars, and am now designing one for the Moon.

STEM is hard for everyone. Grades ultimately aren’t what matter. Curiosity and perseverance matter.

[Kelly Jay @MynameisKelly]

You know quarantine is getting to you when you're jealous of Mars for having visitors. #MarsPerseverance #Quarantine #COVID19

[Chasten Glezman Buttigieg @Chasten]

If you like piña coladas
and getting caught on a plane

[Kelly Jay @MynameisKelly]

@mhoovs YES! I always do and it bothers me how many people around me go maskless.

[Kelly Jay @MynameisKelly]

@andrw_de_luca Hey I know people there who would love to be your neighbors!