Pelham Groom

no

[Aidan James @mcandidate]

noughties hipster culture is a night down the pub with your mates and it’s fucking mental

[Presinald Trunt @PrezTrunt]

My debris!!!!!!

[boob dylan @BYUsupersoaker]

its gonna be a Hunter Biden summer (staying away from crack and reminding others that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes)

[mgpi @SYNESTHEIZURE]

SHE HAS DECLARED FOR THE HOUSE OF YORK

[Khan Noonien Singh @wtfcetialpha5]

You only think about yourselves.

[verypete lambert @Prof_Quiteamess]

Why did the Queen call him 'Mister Bond' in the London Olympics opening bit? She's his superior officer not a supervillain and they're both on duty so it should be 'Commander Bond'.
I think about this even when I'm watching Star Wars.

[Dr. Jane Clare Jones @janeclarejones]

This is the most 2026 thing I have ever seen.

[Pelham Groom @PCRGroom]

The Frasier fanfic scene is getting out of control

[UNRULY LUCIAN 🇱🇨 @dontasktolink]

I’m seeing men on here saying Daphne can’t take dick.. did yall not see how big that dick was? Let me see you take it

[Dan Diamond @ddiamond]

Amazing kicker in the NYT’s list of the 100 Best Restaurants in NYC @ligayamishan

[Daniel Tenreiro @TenreiroDaniel]

@Pontifex Holy Father the post will perform better if you append the url in a threaded reply as opposed to linking it in the tweet

[Kyle 🚄 @KyleTrainEmoji]

PICARD: Data, shields up

DATA: Brilliant! Shields can reduce damage we sustain. Not immunity. Not hubris. Just prudence. It's not precaution—it's strategy.

[camera shakes]

WORF: HULL BREACHES ON NINE DECKS

DATA: Here's what happened: you told me to raise shields, and I didn't

[Alyssa 🌻 @alyssaleann]

We’re on a long tour with a group from around the world, and the tour guide gave us a 15 minute break, paused a beat, and said “15 English, American, and German minutes. Not 15 Spanish and Italian minutes”

[Michael Timbs @michael_timbs]

Been trying the whole “2g of creatine for every 1 lb of body weight” thing for a month now and I’ve never felt worse. How do you guys do it. It’s also like $1000 a week of creatine.

[Matthew Keys @MatthewKeysLive]

Just one day after ending "The Late Show" on CBS, Stephen Colbert returned to TV — to host a public access show with rocker Jack White in Monroe, Michigan.

Appearances by Jeff Daniels, Eminem and Steve Buscemi.

[Liam @liammo_]

Trainline is so camp why have I got 4 emails with a tone basically like “wow you’ve only gone and bloody done it - you’re off to Trowbridge chick😍😍😍”

[Everything Price Sufferer (but especially eggs) @agraybee]

I didn't know Helen of Troy could generate so much conflict.

[lewis @Lewiswbt1]

LOUIS THEROUX: (shouting at ceiling) Hi Wallace, it's Louis. Are you coming down?
V.O.: I'd been told to expect the unexpected when Wallace came down for breakfast.
WALLACE: Be there in a minute! Enjoy the show!
LOUIS: (to Gromit) Is this normal?

[Ilya Abyzov @IlyaAbyzov]

Gmail contains the 2FA keys to my entire life and keeps me logged in indefinitely.

United rents me a chair in the sky, redeemable only with government ID, and logs me out every 30 seconds like Economy Plus is an NSA server.

[Noble Art Understander @UnderstanderArt]

Dude who hates Nolan’s adaptation of Homer not because it’s inaccurate or unfaithful but because he agrees with Plato that Homer is a corruptive influence on the youth.