Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸

I'm even cuter in person.

#WearADamnMask
#WearAMask
#BLM

Pls DM your penis. I'm always up for a laugh.

[Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 @PinkCamoTO]

Who's the patron saint of functional alcoholism?

[gas station dream girl @cheygoulet]

No, I wasn’t smiling at you. I was smiling at your dog.

[sanity @alpa2112]

#wsibcelebratesyou is this how the employees are celebrated? Day 25 on picket line - weather is extreme and so are our emotions. Wsib Employees deserve a fair deal NOW.. This is no joke. If #wsib respect the work we do then now is the time to show. #strike #dougford #oceu #cupe

[Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil]

I'm gonna need to use you guys as references

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Pluto should totally move on and find a solar system that's going to treat it with the respect it deserves.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

"I don't even think Saturn's rings are real.
There. I said it."

-Pluto, the former planet

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

You don't have to watch
each and every last ripple
reach the shore before
you throw another rock

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Everyone goes through a bad decade or two. It happens.

[Rick Aaron @RickAaron]

Pretty sure that 10 minutes after my death my wife will hold a seance to ask me where the TV remote is.

[Rick Aaron @RickAaron]

They call it “remote learning” because the chance of your kids actually learning anything is remote.

[John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets]

Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

a remote that automatically locks your car three times but you only have to press the button once

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

“GIVE ME THE REMOTE.”

[baby smith @itsBABYSMITH]

well, looks like i've finally reached the "trying to change the channel with a box of junior mints" phase.

[baby smith @itsBABYSMITH]

mom always warned us not to sit too close to the TV, but we turned out pergectly fime.