Parth Patel

what up council

[toad @thelifeoftoad]

damn cleaning goes so hard when you're putting off other vastly more important shit

[AirBuddDwyer @AirBuddDwyer]

Hank Hill - Can't Tell Me Nothing (Kanye cover)

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

In the club just taking damage

[fawn @fawnncel]

is $26 good? Like in the gran skeem of things

[Witch @witchwounds]

i be profen

[fredesque @FredTaming]

[reading a book in first person] i dont remember doing any of this

[Mike Truk ⛁ @Wallop4000]

Flossing Really Badly so My Gums Bleed so i Can Pour Mouthwash into the Open Wounds and Swish it Around because Somewhere Deep Inside my Head i Believe the Mouthwash Getting Into the Gum Wounds Makes it More Effective and i Can Never Be Convinced Otherwise

[Isabel Steckel @IsabelSteckel]

type of turbulence where you look around and you’re like yeah this looks like a group of people who would die on a plane

[signüll @signulll]

the craziest thing to me is that gonorrhea would’ve been the absolute perfect brand name for diarrhea medication.

[Parth Patel @PresidentParth]

I was just out there soldier boying on them

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Uber sends notifications like "hey want to take an Uber right now?" No thanks, buddy. It's more for when I need to go somewhere

[katie 𐦍 @kat1enotfound]

growing up i thought dominos pizza was really fancy. i had never tried it. one night my friend asked if i wanted to stay for dinner (dominos!!) but my mom said no because i had to ride my bike home before it got dark out. when i got home i looked up pictures of dominos and cried

[trevy @chillextremist]

When I was a kid I thought about igloos a lot

[{{{MEANWHILE 3.0}}}, (parenthetical descriptor) @yourmombeats]

There's a subreddit for skaters over 30 called r/oldskaters and Tony Hawk posts in it like he's just some guy

[rin ☾⋆⁺₊⋆🇵🇸 @rinnystarr]

worried i’ll log into work tomorrow to an email that says “you are in BIG trouble and we all hate you”

[Nate @thenatewolf]

My nails grow too fast. I tell myself it's a sign of good health so I don't resent the maintenance work but deep down I know it's just more bullshit that god is trying to kill me with.

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

the gap in my resume? yeah it’s called playing outside

[Ernest Strawfield @FKAGEORGEY]

why do people draw pictures of the sun wearing sunglasses?? is he hiding from himself?? much to think about.. more tweets from me later..

[Dr. R. J. Vein @VeinRichard]

(pointing at a stranger as we walk by them) that guy is a new guy. he didn't used to exist. (pointing at another one) and they changed that guy. he used to be different