Roger Swift

Prop Comedian, Pun Writer, Comedy Promoter (@smoofcomedy)

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

Just poping up to the shops. Anyone want anything?

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

The Tamperer Feat. Maya - If You Stream This Song Your Life Will Be Be Better (1998)
Stereophonics - I Wouldn't Believe Your Spotify Playlist (1999)
DJ Dee Kline - I Don't Vape (2000)
White Stripes - The Hardest App To Swipe (2001)

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

A bunch of old song titles updated for 2020:-

The Buggles - Streaming Killed Physical Media (1979)
Blondie - Whatsapp Me (1980)
Adventures Of Stevie V - Dirty Contactless Transfer (1989)
St. Etienne - He's On Social Media (1996)

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

Meat Loaf once sang he'd do anything for love...but he won't do that.

#

I'd try marmite put with literally anything...... expect for Peanut Butter @marmite @lovehatemarmite

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

@DominicFrisby and it doesn't make them taste better either

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

Today’s thought. If they remade back to the future now (PLEASE DON’T) but if they did this bit would update perfectly at least.

‘’So tell me future girl, who’s president of the USA in 2020?’’ ‘’Donald Trump’’ …. It would be set in 1990 and would sound as ridiculous.

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

Recording 'commentaries' by yourself, thinking of stuff to say on the fly and NOT going 'umm' / 'errr' all the time is actually a lot harder than I thought! Going to start semi scripting instead. I'm working on something. No gigs so ego has to create more alternative content now.

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

The Verve's 'Bitter Sweet Symphony and Genesis 'Mama'

Are the only examples ever I can personally find of where the CD single has the 'extended/longest' version of the song. It's not on the album

#stuffnoonecaresaboutexpectme

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

@TonyCowards pedantic nerd: He's not in every episode ;p but ... good gag

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

I'm apathetic to compulsory facemasks. I already do

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

@telfordlive I already do. thus apathetic

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

@britainelects @Survation STOP IT! with all these BIAS LIES!!! LABOUR LANDSLIDE!!!! comrades

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

It's apple ....

DEFINITELY!!!! apple @fanta

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

@britainelects @YouGov LIES LIES LIES! Labour landslide comrades!

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

repost; A gang of T1000 robots formed a rock band they don't get on but no matter how many times they break up they just keep reforming #1pun

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

@comedysavage @robhalden If I can get my head round what I think you are asking. I have spent 3 hours building a prop that I ultimately ended up dropping as it never got a laugh.

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

I hate being one of those people who takes photos of his food, but today's lunch. FUCK it you've got to die of something ain't ya ;p #playinguptoit

(I'm saving the real marmite stock, eating up the supermarket substitute first before someone mentions that)

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

I give it a month, til were back to square 1 countrywide lockdown again.

Sincerely hope I'm wrong but a pessimist is never disappointed

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

So looking ahead I'm wondering how on earth we will know which hollywood clebs will be voting for Joe Biden in November?

That's going to be very difficult to know where they all stand 😒 #punguycandosarcasm

[Roger Swift @Rogerswiftprop]

So whenever I go to Spain I eat loads of crisps. The flavoured ones are fine but the ready salted are always soaking wet... but you know what they say! The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane. #1PUN