Curtis

Whatever it is, it’s probably not as big of a deal as you’re making it.

[Curtis @SeeHubbell84]

Ordered Chinese food tonight and when I opened my fortune cookie it was empty inside. How are these things so accurate?

[Curtis @SeeHubbell84]

“Maybe if you saw the quarantine coming you would've broke it off in January, but unfortunately you're not a United States Senator”

[CALEB PRESSLEY @calebpressley]

The 5 Girls You Will Date During Coronavirus https://t.co/qwwi5HB6L8

[Curtis @SeeHubbell84]

If you recline your seat before we’re even done boarding the plane you deserve to permanently be on the no-fly list

[Curtis @SeeHubbell84]

Torn between this Jeopardy GOAT episode and the TL flooded with Middle East updates...At least the info on Jeopardy is accurate I guess

[Jesse McLaren @McJesse]

I can’t explain my logic but if your childhood bedroom is still intact your family is rich.

[Jason Weintraub @JRtheWriter]

Lmaooo! Baker throw people under the bus WAY better than a football

[vince @vincestaples]

My sister in this restaurant cutting a hot wing I wish I never got money.

[Trill Withers @TylerIAm]

“Newsflash buddy”

[Faux Pelini @FauxPelini]

Computers say Nebraska has a 4% chance to beat OSU but if someone said you have a 4% chance of being murdered today you’d be nervous, so

[SportsCenter @SportsCenter]

We love this story.

Carson King has raised over $50,000 from his @CollegeGameDay sign, and is donating it all to the University of Iowa Stead Family Children's Hospital 🙏

[Trump On Stocks @TrumpOnStocks]

I am a Dow 20,000 type of a guy. Always been. Who wants an index with the words "standard" and "poor" in it? Sad.

[Allahpundit @allahpundit]

What Marianne doesn’t understand is that a celebrity crank with a personality cult can’t get elected in America

[John Becicka @JohnBecicka]

Dude 1: Hey, bro?
Dude 2: yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure

[PFT Commenter @PFTCommenter]

Wow Koepka misses by a mile left on this eagle attempt. Your right the wheels are coming off @brandlisschambleeslee https://t.co/RsCLN75nJH

[Sam Mellinger @mellinger]

Kevin Durant is so good at basketball that quite possibly the worst sports related injury possible happened at the worst time possible and he *still* is making the financially prudent decision to turn down $31 million.

[Mike Camerlengo @MCamerlengo]

"...make another meme outta this"

[Amazon News @amazonnews]

We’ve paid $2.6B in corporate taxes since 2016. We pay every penny we owe. Congress designed tax laws to encourage companies to reinvest in the American economy. We have. $200B in investments since 2011 & 300K US jobs. Assume VP Biden’s complaint is w/ the tax code, not Amazon.

[🐢✨America Is Musty✨🐢 @DragonflyJonez]

A championship slipped thru his fingers and Kawhi hit a shrug where his fists didn't even come up to his waist. I love this robotman so much