The Central Scrutinizer! 🇨🇦

Well, I'm on the right side of the sod. So there's that.

[The Central Scrutinizer! 🇨🇦 @Shmeeites]

Hey folks of Twitter. You don’t GAF, I don’t GAF. Goodbye.

[Melvin of York @MelvinofYork]

If meteorologists can say "it's 85 degrees but it FEELS like 93" then I should be able to say "it's 6 inches but it FEELS like 8.5"

[Just J @junejuly12]

The cat’s new food is “20% tastier” and I need to know how cats measure that.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

I brought a dozen donuts to work for my coworkers.
I work from home.
By myself.
Me. I bought a dozen donuts for me.

[The Central Scrutinizer! 🇨🇦 @Shmeeites]

@posthepost @CustomTattoos_ That’s blasphemy!

[The Central Scrutinizer! 🇨🇦 @Shmeeites]

@eliza_relman @businessinsider Fa-fa-fa-facism!

[The Central Scrutinizer! 🇨🇦 @Shmeeites]

@ItsSamG Hold on! Does this mean you broke up with that handsome fella you were sending all those goey tweets about?

[Hockey Night in Canada @hockeynight]

What sport are you watching tonight? 👀

Right answers only 🏒

[Doug Smith: Raptors @SmithRaps]

Lowry's career highlight movie gonna be longer than Gone With The Wind

[Jason Logan @jasonSCOREGolf]

The Kyle Lowry statue outside SBA one day should def be him just standing there ready to take a charge. #Raptors

[Two Inches Short @TwoInchesShort]

Count it. That hit pool noodle

[The Central Scrutinizer! 🇨🇦 @Shmeeites]

@JLew1050 I wish Lowry was my manger at work. No shit. This guy knows how to lead. What an asset to the Raps. Absolutely invaluable.

[Josh Lewenberg @JLew1050]

Nick Nurse: "You say to me why is Kyle taking it out? I say because he's got some guts, man. You've gotta make gutsy plays every now and then."

[Richard Chizmar @RichardChizmar]

Nightmare.

[Morgan J. Freeman @mjfree]

WTF is this nut-case talking about?

[The Lincoln Project @ProjectLincoln]

Biden beats Trump in polls and ratings. Ouch.

[Nostradadmus @bigpoppadrunk]

Nasa: We are receiving our first pictures from the alien world now.

Scientist: Is that what I think it is.

Alien: Fred did you just send them a picture of your dick?

Fred: I said "Hey" first.

[Han Solo Cup @paminski]

*police pulling me over*

I noticed your ride is sick AF. I’m gonna need to see your license to ill.

[Sam G @ItsSamG]

I’ve got to say, dealing with work stress by laying on the floor for 10 minutes goes over much better at home than it did at my office

[Alan Cross 🇨🇦 @alancross]

#WTF I’m not really sure what genre of music this is, but… https://t.co/Xjktb4AyQf