Squirrel Karate

I don’t even know Karate.

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she:
A. Has intimacy issues
B. Is frigid
C. Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@Today_June_says ♥️

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@owlfishrazor Not bad, how about you?

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@owlfishrazor 👋🏻

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@crowellalove Honestly…same!

[Manda @crowellalove]

When will people realise I'm just a friendly giant that loves a cuddle.

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@justwritewhatev I used to be alright to look at but I’m getting older…now I have to rely on my personality to make friends and it’s not going well.

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@BwanaChris Dag se

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

What kind of an asshole tells everyone on Twitter it’s their birthday for attention, what a loser!

Unrelated, Happy Birthday to me!

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

According to your Avi you were pretty hot in 1998 huh?

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@chincha33 As a likeable rogue it is my duty to be charming always.

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

The joke is on you guys…I knew my tweets were shit this whole time.

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@chincha33 Such is life…but it adds up, I heard Georgia needed a new peach so it’s all worked out ;)

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@chincha33 Always well :) good to see you. How’s the captain?

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

I like to tweet on this account every so often to remind people they haven’t blocked me yet.

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

I reiterate that a Tupperware and a Walrus both like a tight seal.

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

@BwanaChris Subtextual tweeting is a lost art form, I used to be the Picasso of it.

[Squirrel Karate @SquirrelKarate]

It’s as if being handsome and funny is not enough to be well liked on Twitter anymore…fuck sakes what now?