Taking Children Seriously

It is possible and desirable to raise children entirely without coercion. Parenting philosophy #TakingChildrenSeriously explores how+why. See also: @TCSparents

[Aaron Stupple @astupple]

Parents blocking kids from overeating via rules deprives kids the opportunity to learn the problems with overeating.

Rules block kids from learning to regulate, because things like eating and sleeping become about what Dad thinks, not what they think about hunger and fatigue.

[Aaron Stupple @astupple]

How to parent without rules and without chaos.

Instead of asking yourself "Should I allow this?"

Ask "How can I help my kid get what they're after in a way that doesn't bother me?" 🧵

[The Sarcastigator @GoodExplain]

@TCSparents Where's the evidence-based, data-driven, science-based evidence for the superiority of conventional parenting?

[Matt Fae @realtimeai]

Children are complete people. They have agency. They are indeed oppressed. They deserve control over the use of their attention. That is why we should in fact liberate them. And someday we will.

[Aaron Stupple @astupple]

@crostipunctus @reasonisfun @TCSphilosophy I think the worst part, which is described in the excerpt, is gentle parenting making kids doubt themselves.

This justifies an internal autocrat who needs to keep oneself in line.

Also sets up an internal opposition that is self-hating.

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

🔥 thread

[Aaron Stupple @astupple]

The tragedy of parenting.

My parents told me this, repeatedly, explicitly, with great sincerity.

But that doesn't cut it.

After spending years unintentionally building a relationship of distrust, it is very hard to convert it to full trust. 🧵1/

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSparents]

Every new and better idea is a criticism of the prevailing wisdom.

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

Thanks to @naval for the shout-out on this great Tim Ferriss episode about @DavidDeutschOxf’s ideas!

episode at timestamp:
https://t.co/2nFccHp9pQ

[Sarah Fitz-Claridge @FitzClaridge]

At 6:15 Vivek Patel @meaningfulideas talks brilliantly about seeking consent and honouring the "no" of a 5-month-old baby - expressed not in words but in body language and/or facial expression. ❤️ https://t.co/bhVGnpjTLV

[David Deutsch @DavidDeutschOxf]

Ten whole minutes? Such generosity with other people's time!

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

How to find a dentist your child loves to visit:

https://t.co/NYzOo7O4zm

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

A take on Taking Children Seriously by someone who grew up with it:

[Lulie @reasonisfun]

Interviewed by @tasshinfogleman where we discuss:

🌱 What is Taking Children Seriously?

👩‍🏫 What was it like to grow up TCS and home-educated?

📕 What is Critical Rationalism?

🧘‍♀️ What psych/personal development tools do I use?

Among other things!

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

Outstanding talk by @meaningfulideas about collaborative, non-coercive parenting:

[The Oxford Karl Popper Society @OxfordPopper]

The recording of yesterday’s event with @meaningfulideas is now on YouTube: https://t.co/M4PVQ5dodc

[Vivek Patel (He/Him) @meaningfulideas]

Whenever we force kids to do things we also force them to manage us as obstacles. There's no way around that, that I can see.

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

Little thread on taking your children’s perspective.

It’s hard to do at the best of times, because a person’s life is rich and always has many unseen factors.

When not under coercion, they can explore the world taking into account these things you may not see.

[Vivek Patel (He/Him) @meaningfulideas]

3/4
This approach does not take their perspective into account. Sometimes watching a scary show and having your sleep interupted, and being scared for a few days is worth the cost.

The benefit?
Being able to talk about it with everyone at school.

[Vivek Patel (He/Him) @meaningfulideas]

Kids don't feel safe from limits and boundaries, kids feel safe from a safe connected relationship.

No one feels safe being told they can't do what they want to do. No one feels safe being told they have to do what they don't want to do. That's what limits and boundaries are.

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

Trying to calm someone down by hugging after thwarting them — holding them down, preventing them from leaving, forcing them to do “breathing techniques” (after they give an explicit “No”!) — is a cruel kind of psychological abuse.

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

“gentle parenting … described as a style that promotes a relationship with your children based on willingness and choices, rather than demands and rules.”

The only way this can count as a single one of these is if children are viewed as less than human.

https://t.co/zNQmIcTgCx

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

Under conventional parenting, wailing “No!” several times counts as “willingness”.

A husband doing this to his wife would be locked up.

[Taking Children Seriously @TCSphilosophy]

“Be their parent, not their friend”

This phrase means many things but boils down to: parents should do things that their child doesn’t like, which a friend would never do.

It never means: parents should do things their child does like, which even a friend wouldn’t do.