Jesus of Tweets

mark zuckenberg verify me NOW. co-written by Curtis Roberts.

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

I PUT MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS AND RELEASED THAT INDIE ROCK ALBUM I'VE BEEN TWEETING ABOUT FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS

LISTEN TO IT

BUY IT

GET IT FOR SOMEBODY FOR CHRISTMAS

BURN IT TO A CD AND SELL BOOTLEG COPIES

https://t.co/HrWc0fuh2l

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

@Lawrinho If you buy the “it’s for the safety of kids” line then you’ve been duped

It’s obviously so that they can make you give your full name and address and bank account info and a DNA sample to access Facebook so they can track your every online action

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

This is what happens when you put a cop in charge

“Sorry sir, if you want to use Instagram you need to give me your full name, a picture of the front and back of your debit card, your fingerprints and a blood sample. Oh, you don’t want to? What are you, a pedo?”

[Keir Starmer @Keir_Starmer]

We are banning social media access for under 16s.

These days kids must find their feet in a world where technology intrudes into every area of their life.

I just can’t let that go on anymore. So we’re giving children their childhoods back.

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

Brev worried about da wrong “recoil” 😭😭

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY

[thoughtcrime @thoughtcrime___]

the world’s first male lesbian

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

Lying to myself and saying England
fuck off, we’re winning the lot

[Football Insider @footyinsider247]

Which country has the 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 midfield trio at the this summer's World Cup? 🤔

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

The world building around the way he typed “an headless chicken” is akin to new vegas

[Sleaford Mods @sleafordmods]

Death grips were ok. Quite influenced me around Austerity Dogs period. That album with the bloke behind barbwire or something. Think there was this pet shop boys sample on one tune. It was fresh sounding. I never went back to it tho. Proper erratic stuff. Like an headless chicken

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

@BigTensze @Inceljazz @squirrelypatz Nah don’t worry that’s oomf 😭

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

@Inceljazz @squirrelypatz

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

@Inceljazz @squirrelypatz Nice use of a lunch break you fucking nerd

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

im too old to be falling in love again

[Film Updates @FilmUpdates]

Inde Navarrette for Jimmy Kimmel Live

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

Why is the male version of this shirtless

[Nuclear Caudillo🇺🇸🇩🇴 @CaudilloNuclear]

Her male best friend of 10 years when you buy her 2 drinks and fuck her in the parking lot

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

Euroheads stay winning

We get the greatest songwriter of the past 10 years and they get a guy who makes music for Instagram stories and tiktoks

[Kring @kringrush]

Phoebe Bridgers tour annoucment be like

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

I don’t really care either way about the no phones at concerts thing but has anybody in history ever recorded a video at a concert and watched it back later?

Im not gonna pretend I do it for any reason other than to put it on my Instagram story to seem like a guy who does things

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

I hate to say it but you’ll probably get more out of Jordan Pererson’s dogshit than Drake’s Iceman but if you listen to one Neil Young album with your full attention you’ll gain the equivalent wisdom of having listened to 10 of the greatest books ever written

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

This is only true if the music you listen to is unchallenging slop or if you are unable to engage with art properly

If you’re swapping out music to listen to 20 self help books a year then you’re essentially pre-firing your soul into purgatory

[ㅤً @Evertxn]

Paul Scholes is spot on btw. Swapping music for audiobooks (any kind, fictional, autobiography, non-fiction), or podcasts or long youtube videos, is a big life upgrade.

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

This is Isaac leaving BCNR for guys you vaguely remember from secondary school

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

An England World Cup win and an all timer album this year would lowkey fix me

[Nozza_ @Nozza_]

Imagine winning the World Cup and then Revolver dropping a few days later

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

literally all I do is torture myself these days

i dont know what i hate more, doing planks or working on my fucking album

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

@TheRealADri If you really want to know the American equivalent of this it’s hearing Ts and Ds the same in the middle of words

It’s why when Americans try and do a jokey British accent and drop their Ts they end up also dropping a bunch of other letters that Brits don’t drop

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

@maleficarrums I WAS IN THE UBER ON THE WAY

[Jesus of Tweets @TenFingerTommy]

Insane to critique a film by throwing its own point against it

Like, they’re actually getting the point of the movie but it’s like they don’t think the guy who made it intended that

[duck 🎃 @levelofduck]

be so fr rn
how do you miss the point so bad