StinkinYouthPastor

Just an anonymous youth pastor with a warped sense of humor. The best satire springs from real life.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

@Rev_Norespect Rosie O’d—wait a second, did you say “grill” or “girl”?

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

When you find out you don’t have to go to the two-hour deacon meeting tonight.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

@AngryYouthGuy EVERY BLOOMIN’ TIME.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

For all you hopeful bachelors out there: https://t.co/VmNpyCH8ed

[Joel Osteen @JoelOsteen]

Don’t be discouraged by the no’s. The no’s are a part of your destiny. They’re leading you to your yes. You have to come to your closed doors before you’ll get to your open doors.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

@AngryYouthGuy Pro tip: if you only leave out fast food, you won’t have to worry about the maggots.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

The plastic picnic table in the nursery is so filthy there’s no way we could actually get it clean, and it would still be hideous even if we did. Just clarifying so everyone knows why I named the table “Hillary.”

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

*never asks for money*

*works hard*

*doesn’t complain*

*still has to pretend not to be tired of “You Millennials...” jabs*

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

Shout out to the people who refuse to be inconvenienced for any reason but got no problem inconveniencing others for any reason.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

Pro tip: need to rip one but don’t want to stink up your office or walk all the way to to bathroom? Just step into the nursery. No one’s surprised when the nursery smells bad.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

@ChrchCurmudgeon I’m hoping there will be a few people who don’t want their #PreachersBible because I kinda want to pick one up on the cheap tbh.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

@BillyKissiah Unfortunately for her I figured out it was her even with the costume. She didn’t conceal her identity well enough to keep from tarnishing her reputation.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

@PowerbangGaming I’m already nothing more than cannon fodder on console, so I guess I shouldn’t care lol.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

Does anyone else just automatically undo their belt when they walk into a restaurant and see a soft serve machine? No? Just me? #WellOKThen

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

@YouthGroupBoy Sounds like a lot work for something no one would care about anyway. #JustSayin

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

@TheBabylonBee I knew I was forgetting something on my resumé!

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

My favorite spiritual gift that some Christians have is speaking condescendingly to everyone else.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

Apparently Michael Jackson had a song called “Black or White.”

But that’s not really surprising since he obviously couldn’t decide.

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

@YouthGroupBoy Which is totally ridiculous! Most secular movies solve their problems in 90 minutes. Why does Christian problem solving on TV take so long?!

[StinkinYouthPastor @ThatStinkinYP]

One teenager makes this one dessert that I could find out literally contained baby angel parts and it wouldn’t even slow me down. #SaltedCaramelsAndBadTheology