Jessica

Former teacher, current SAHM to two little boys, and wife to a Midwest 9/10.

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

I’m starting a support group for parents who have been in public with stickers on their butt. Who would like to join?

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

@CustomBass @hbmama70

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

@ClevelandMomma That’s when you’re lucky and everything is going well. Otherwise the appointments are your worst nightmare.

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

@xBadWolfBae1 🤦🏼‍♀️our car gave out. I started using my mom’s to take the babies around, and it’s AC/onboard computer broke. Meanwhile my dad’s car had to be towed home.
We found a used minivan, came home to electrical issues, dishwasher is down again, and my phone stopped charging.

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

IF EXPENSIVE THINGS COULD STOP BREAKING THAT WOULD BE AWESOME

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

It’s trying to escape!!! 😱

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

@BethAllenRE @Steph_A_Nanny @Calico_coChanel @Secret_Vent @jazzieyay @sah_nursemom @MsJayLee22 My 2 yo said “I love you, mama” without prompting. Just thought it and said it. 🥰🥰🥰

#tellmesomethinggood

[John Cena @SohnCena]

Dear responsibilities,

I am hereby resigning in my role as an adult effective immediately.

Sincerely,

Go fuck yourself

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

Taught my son to say “night night stinky dada” and I’ve never been prouder

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

@xBadWolfBae1

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

@xBadWolfBae1 I’m so sorry all of this happened to you, especially from the person who was supposed to love you the most.

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

@BethAllenRE @jazzieyay @sah_nursemom @EmAsInMoney @Calico_coChanel I’m late to the party, but I wanted to add one:

I admire my MIL for being able to keep 4 adult sons together. She takes the brunt of everyone’s complaints and issues just so she can keep her boys around. I hope I’m able to put my pride aside in the same way someday.

[OhThatMomGlow @OhThatMomGlow]

As I frantically run around the house preparing for a party, my husband does really helpful things like:

Set the time on that one clock.

Aimlessly walk around.

Put something directly on a surface I just cleaned.

Start hanging the curtains I asked him to hang 3 weeks ago.

[Andrew Kirell 🤙🏻 @AndrewKirell]

@VP

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

My husband: *breaking out in a rash at the faintest whiff of perfume*

Me: Lord, when I said I wanted a sensitive man, this isn’t what I meant...

[Diane Auten @DianeAuten]

#momlife number 341:

When you see a 1-inch hair on your cheek, and pray to God it's not attached.

p.s. it was 🙄

[Nathalie with an h @nnnatchos]

I can feel the burn building inside..

Pass the Tums please.

[Momarazzi. @Mirimade]

Cowboy: Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Me: Okay.

Cowboy: Really? Swee-why are you putting on spurs.

Me: Now, this bar might be uncomfortable in your mouth but it’s only to guide you.

[Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa]

@sneakydaneaky @cottoncandaddy Mine too. My husband refers to those videos as my “porn”. Lol