Irma love

[Domenic Tetro @NintenDom]

It's only a matter of time before my ex-girlfriend comes crawling back. I still have her wheelchair.

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, air pressure will suck your spine out of your asshole because you forgot to wear a spacesuit. Idiot.

[Adi @neakel]

Stay together for the agony.

[SUNY @sunyahu3]

Stop taking advantage of us nice folks.

Our population is way too small.

[steve suckington @SteveSuckington]

A horror movie, but it's just my wife leaving me at home with my kids.

[Chopper @chopper4jk]

I convinced my girl boob sweat sexy, because air conditioning is fucking expensive.

[Only Fast Eddie @OnlyFastEddie]

Be kind to your mind because that warped little bastard is all you got.

[Irma love @XoIrma]

Who ever just texted me, just molested me.

[Ron White @Ron_White]

I swear I had very little to do with it.

[Rick BeerMe Martinez @skullbride]

Well, today was a complete waste of clean underwear.

[Not Hank Moody @PORNOPINION]

I’m tired of 19 year olds thinking they’re special for being hot. You’re 19 You’re supposed to be hot. Call me when you’re 45 and hot.

[~Cindy~🇨🇦 @CindyNoPants]

Music is always there for you, when no one else is.

[Baby Shoez @poisonousbabez]

Thanx 4 the follow back x @XoIrma

[seriously!! @jonathanjoe76]

Some days there just aren't enough people on earth to pissed off to make u feel better...
...so I make do with what I've got...

[West Lee @NotthatAdamWest]

They said I had no feelings. I was like that depends, is "fuck this shit" a feeling?

[Bob Heller @Bob_Heller]

It's as if the guy sitting next to me on the train has never woken up to a booger collection on his pant leg.

[seriously!! @jonathanjoe76]

This fat ass bitch at the dollar store screaming at her 9 kids is the perfect example of why welfare reform doesn't work...

[Amy W @Ameiam]

It's so cute how I think this bottle of wine is going to make it to the BBQ three days from now.

[lemondrop 🍋 @lemonmartinis]

I hate sitting in a seat warmed by someone else