MomLog

Stay at home mom to a 1-year-old anarchist. Freelance writer. Aspiring momedian.

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

Me: Chicago's too cold. What if we move somewhere warm?
Husband: Then you'd complain that it's too hot in summer.

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

No, YOU just pulled a roll of dog poop bags from your bra after hiding them there from your kid for three hours.

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

Pretty sure my kid placed an over/under on how many home-cooked meals she can reject before I end up on an episode of Snapped.

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

@Joe_Fru I literally just changed into clean clothes 15 min ago. Already I found something wrong with my shirt. How?

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

Welcome to parenthood. If you think you are wearing clean clothes, you're wrong.

[Ed Krassenstein @EdKrassen]

BREAKING: WSJ reports that Trump's Lawyer Michael Cohen paid Porn Star Stormy Daniels $130K to keep quiet about a sexual encounter she had with Donald Trump.

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

Sometimes you watching The Princess Diaries you just have to admit that you would have dissed Mia and Lily to fit in. #speakingmytruth

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

Really hoping a parent question at my kid's first swim lesson is "who frantically shaved their legs for the first time this morning?" That way, I'll know which mom's are my people.

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

@XplodingUnicorn So you're only pretending to be the funny one in your family.

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

The problem with eating six 100-calorie snacks is math.

[Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard]

I just found out adults are dying from eating Tide pods and suddenly I feel like my life is far more in order than I thought...

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

@PetrickSara I bet you could use the countdown from the ball drop last year on YouTube and chromecast it to your tv.

[❤️‍🔥Sardonic Tart❤️‍🔥 @SardonicTart]

No I'm not going out on New Year's Eve, I'm not a Kardashian.

[Hashtag MomFail @hashtagmomfail]

Husband: We should clean out our toddler's playroom.
Me: So you're telling me to clean out the playroom.
H: No, I said WE
Narrator: He never had any intention of actually doing it himself.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

I don’t always regret having children but when I do it’s usually because I took them all to a store with me.

[Hillary Timlin @HillaryTimlin]

I miss the 2000’s, we had Harry Potter books and movies coming out at the same time. That was living.

[MomLog @_Momlog_]

@Lhlodder Oh same here. And every year my dentist yells at me for continuing not to floss.

[EricaTriesToTweet @EricaWhoToYou]

I can’t teach your kids good manners, but based on my own kids I could probably teach yours how to walk out of a room while you’re still talking to them.

[Your Name Here @notittryagain]

To be any more self-conscious, I would have to be my own conjoined twin.