Abby Rose

Career, quote, or something witty

[I think I’m funny 🤷🏻‍♂️ @iAmDelFreaky]

Fun Fact: Sloth killed Chunk and all his family, within the first few hours, after taking him home.

[Camden's Finest @anbrll00]

It's all funny until I start up with the necrophilia and hooker jokes.

[Abby Rose @Abby__Rose]

@FavstarTOTD2 @rmfnord why, thank you, sir!

[Greg Wright @gregwright13.bsky.social @GregHenchman]

If the idea of a hobo on a pogo stick doesn't make you smile, I'm probably incapable of cheering you up.

[MustardStain @Whitnuts]

History class is going to be super hard in, like, 5,000 years.

[Cookie’s Eye Candy Redux @sfreeze6]

"I'm going to eat and destroy your box" has a drastically different meaning to a homeless woman.

[⛧ @thetwodeadboys]

I wish I had the slightest idea of what the hell I was doing.

*me performing CPR*

[Alcoholic Keverage @adult_keverage]

I think I can safely say that I'll never eat something called "blood sausage".

[Natty Lumpo @nattylumpo88]

*hauls out onto ice like walrus*

*turns face toward snow, wind; sleeps*

[(((R.M. Weiner))) @rmfnord]

And when they came for the mimes, I said nothing. Nobody said anything. There was A LOT of running against the wind, though.

[cheshire cat smile rear window decal @johnbiehl]

If you really want to impress women I've got seven words for you, falconry.

[Camden's Finest @anbrll00]

I went to Toys R Us and did a erotic dance for that giraffe. Turns out that's not acceptable.

[Tom Israel @noimnotjewish]

Dude, the fact that I called YOU to bail me out of jail is quite the compliment, so let's dial back that "It's 4 am!" attitude, mmkay?

[Mr. Gander @GFGander]

How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face

[Dare.Wrek @DzNuutz]

Before you start a conversation with me, just realize I'm already looking for a way to end it.

[Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus]

That forced "WooOO!!" TV audiences do when two gross people kiss makes me hate humanity.

[Abby Rose @Abby__Rose]

Non tweeting friend:"You're so funny and raunchy you'll be popular on twitter in no time!"

*gives unblinking side eye for 10 mins straight

[Elroy Fudge @ElroyFudge]

Instead of a little blue bird, the mascot of Twitter should be a guy with an aversion to sunlight, who hasn't left his apartment in 9 days.