🐋

[🐋 @andiolsen]

@Shrek @Dreamworks who can I speak to about changing the animation in shrek 5

[jack nasty @heidenfiles]

me at the doctor when i got a cymbal stuck in my ear and he asks me to prove it https://t.co/g2fzVQofDZ

[Dave Portnoy @stoolpresidente]

Let me unbuffer for 1 quick second.... #TysonPaul

[🐋 @andiolsen]

I should be in someone's dad's boat right now!

[🐋 @andiolsen]

I need an iced matcha & 300,000 dollars

[Dylan Hafer @thedylanhafer]

the DMV listing what you need to bring to get a Real ID

[Shannon’s Spanx @Shannonsspanx]

jesus and the disciples after he was betrayed by judas #rhoslc

[chao @chaod3r]

Stop telling me to release my inner child that bitch smokes cigarettes and lies

[Grace @gracecamille_]

i HATE when someone is a fraternal twin bc it is so obvious that one of them got more nutrients in the womb and what… I’m supposed to not notice that ????

[𝓥𝓮𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓲𝓬𝓪 @friedurethra]

this fucks

[Keifer @DannyVegito]

Jerry plotline: this girl I’ve been seeing is beautiful, but she chews with her mouth open

Kramer plotline:

[Sydney Battle @SydneyBattle]

me rising from my edible coma to ask the flight attendant for a ginger ale in a clear, considerate voice that conveys gratefulness and respect

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

a hidden challenge of parenting is how easy it can be to momentarily forget you’re talking to a child. today my 5 year old was like “I’m so hot should we just eat more popsicles?” and I was two seconds away from being like “YES BITCH”

[Yung Social Construct @yungscapegoat]

Sometimes I get like annoyed when the pizza place gives me free garlic knots. Like actually I planned the amount of food perfectly and now you’ve completely thrown me off kilter

[merrin @wowzowee]

“do you know excel”

no, but i know kindness. i know friendship. i know love. i know how to see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower. i know how to hold Infinity in the palm of my hand, and eternity in an hour.

[Zack Peter @zackpeter]

Twitter: The cast was so mean to Tom & Raquel!!

Meanwhile: *Tom & Raquel* 😂

[All Beckventerous Women Do 💙 @beckyvenus]

clocks at 6:50pm

[Chris K @ckorhonen]

@natelorenzen @yashar https://t.co/y7CyqjvE5v

[bigbreadpedlar’s publicist @lalalandluvrr]

my favorite wga strike sign as of late