Andy Pattison

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

@LittleMissLizz Same 😄

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

@thethe I'll be there. Can't wait 😄

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

@LittleMissLizz This is one of mine

[The Poke @ThePoke]

Sandi Toksvig had a message for the Archibishop of Canterbury and it’s simply brilliant
https://t.co/YdDVXkON1h

[The Poke @ThePoke]

People have been suggesting Boris Johnson-themed pub names – cheers to these 21. (H/T @Ottojizzmark)
https://t.co/qpzMfRwCqY

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

@TasNetworks We have a power outage in Flowerpot 7163.

[Mike Batt @Mike_Batt]

My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

as there is no facility for them to do it. Called Bank of Melbourne again and was told that Westpac can't authenticate and I shouldn't have been told to go to Westpac. Was placed on hold for 30 minutes and then told to go to a Westpac branch again

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

@BankofMelb Applied for a credit card and tried to activate it only to be told it is blocked even though it's not been used due to not being activated. Told to go to a Westpac branch to verify ID as I live in Tasmania. Went to Westpac and was told that they can't do this

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

@Telstra I’ve already been waiting since Wednesday though, so it’s way over 48 hours

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

@Telstra I’ve now been waiting since Wednesday morning for a new SIM activation I was told would take 10 minutes

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

@Telstra I got quoted 10 minutes, then 24 hours, then 48 hours, then 3-5 business days

[Andy Pattison @andy_pattison]

@Telstra 4 times now and I get a different answer each time

[Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain]

Page

[cluedont @cluedont]

'Tis the season...

[Jake Lambert @jakelambertcom]

There is no greater argument for the benefits of shopping online than the general public's inability to walk in a straight line.

[paul bassett davies @thewritertype]

Replicate the impact of a cabinet reshuffle in your own community by going to the park and rearranging the dog turds.