Average Blond Guy

Life, the Universe, and combating the Evil Empire.

[Average Blond Guy @averageblondguy]

'He who fights with monsters might take care, lest he thereby become a monster.'

Friedrich Nietzsche
German philosopher (1844 - 1900)

[Zarah Sultana MP @zarahsultana]

Amazon had sales worth £38,000,000,000 in Europe last year, but paid nothing in corporation tax.

Tax avoidance robs us of public money. It's time to make them pay. #MakeAmazonPay

[Average Blond Guy @averageblondguy]

@gintastic_ https://t.co/IS2ssdDmyQ

[Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal]

6yo: chicken is good for you. but not so good for the chicken

😳

[Average Blond Guy @averageblondguy]

@jaybeez112 It was acceptable in the Eighties.

https://t.co/rvIynwWXVr

[Zarah Sultana MP @zarahsultana]

Fans – not billionaires – should own football clubs.

#SayNoToEuropeanSuperLeague

[Rosie Holt @RosieisaHolt]

Ok I’ll bite, what’s foot ball ?

[Arthur Smith @ArfurSmith]

As mayor of Balham I have decided to build myself a massive yacht

[Maxou @maxoupial]

My sis told me she wouldn't scatter my ashes in the ocean because there is enough trash in there already.

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but being single and alone is approximately 1 bajillion times better than being married and lonely.

[Lovely Bones @MrsLovelyBones1]

She always means what she says, and she doesn’t understand people that don’t.

[McErin☘️ @colleen_eileen]

"Erin how do you expect to land another husband if you can't peel a potato without a peeler? A paring knife is the way you were taught!" ~My mother being a motivational speaker

[Slimothy @slimtimcann]

Council Houses sort of worked didn't they?
Why did they get rid?

[NicholasG @Dad_At_Law]

Kids: We we made you breakfast in bed!

Me: How sweet, soggy toast and a banana. Thanks!

*one hour later*

Kids: Daddy, we’re hungry, will you make us some breakfast?

[PixieDustNo.5 @DustNo5]

When in doubt, music.

[Matt Rappaport @nyactor]

Super Deep . . I think it’s both but maybe I’m just fooling myself Twitters

[Alison Ward @ItsAlisonWard]

I need to go to IKEA when it reopens but I'm concerned about the queue. Do you think a battering ram is OTT? It's a small one.

[Dr Pessimus Prime, rat edition 🐀 @BigJDubz]

Spent ages on my picture of a zebra. Just the black bits to finish