bailey

Not interested in seeing or holding your baby

[bailey @baileyferr]

The people who think I'm a lazy piece of shit are gonna feel real fucken stupid when they find out I made my bed this morning

[Guppi @guppisound]

Maybe ur cat is meowing because they want three beers

[Eric Levitz @EricLevitz]

I’ve been a Knicks fan for 14 long days, so tonight was very special for me personally

[josh @joshypooper]

you’re laughing. i told you a joke and you’re laughing. i love you

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

i am a friend to all cats. yes even the mean ones. they have their reasons.

[cory @coolmathgame_]

horror movie lovers be like i love that movie it made me feel fucking awful and horrible and really scared

[eve @csiirac]

id make the elephant feel welcomed

[ovary ✨ @ovaryactorr]

before u beef with me just know i'm deeply malicious to my core once upset

[🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🌋🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @hum_dunkin]

(trying to say "there's plenty fish in the sea" but forgetting the phrase) there's animals all over the place

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Have you got a chance to look at the data I sent you? It's mostly just numbers I typed out in random order (89.230, 22228.1, stuff like that) but I was hoping maybe we could make money off of it somehow

[Harrison Weinreb @harriweinreb]

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya bud ?

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

i would believe a traffic cone costs somewhere between $2 and $55. not willing to guess any more specific than that really. just not my place

[Sensations by Compliments @plopadop]

[chatting with friend stuck on the hantavirus ship] But other than that the trip was good?

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

Dear Flight Attendants,
No eggnog? Just say so.
NO NEED FOR THAT LOOK

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

[police sketch artist interrupts me] large naturals?

[hera @shiningdaisies]

unfortunately i could never be nonchalant because i am not well in the head and also my soul is on fire

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

fish probably love being made into a soup... "brings me back" type shit

[Jay Grindz @JayGrindz]

I’m at yo BM crib throwin M&M’s at yo kid head full speed

[tanya @Tanya_Sabrinaaa]

for sale, baby shoes - worn once

[way more tragic, due to baby fast fashion]

[maya @mayaviatwitta]

i never beg except when it’s to differ

[bailey @baileyferr]

Just saw a $15k listing on Facebook Marketplace for a 2.5 carat wedding ring posted by a cute 30-something y/o woman