Stab your face

Poop jokes, lots and lots of poop jokes.

[Stab your face @Captstabbyface]

My favorite rape joke is when the would-be rapist gets stabbed in the neck and the would-be victim laughs and laughs

[Stab your face @Captstabbyface]

The zombies caught up with me again. I'll be back.

[Her Tall Boots @fuzzlime]

you sneeze like a girl

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

I'm sorry I made fun of Canada's space program I've never been to space either

[Enrique Shockwave @UNDEADTRESOR]

Trump wants to ban Muslims but if we learned anything from Prohibition it's that people will just make Muslims in their bathtubs.

[Tony @tsm560]

Wait Shia LeBeouf is an asshole? Why didn't anybody tell me.

[Depressing Thoughts @Time4Depression]

You're dead to me. It's cool though because I'm dead to me too.

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

stop saying welp

[Stab your face @Captstabbyface]

@CapitalOne Would you worthless fuckstains stop sending out junk mail?

[Stab your face @Captstabbyface]

It would've been funny if that black cop had shot Shia LaBeouf. But to be honest, it'd be funny if ANYONE shot Shia LeBeouf.

[Stab your face @Captstabbyface]

@WillieNelson Is it OK to tongue kiss your weed dealer?

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

For entertainment, may I recommend our post office? It's an excellent place for standing and looking across the street at the bank.

[Stab your face @Captstabbyface]

Until Conservatives and Liberals realize that both Ted Nugent AND Alec Baldwin are worthless shitbags, there will be no peace.

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

My favorite part of Rocky was when Sylvester Stallone sounds like he has peanut butter in his mouth for 2 hours.

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

The average person swallows 8 Spider-Man reboots in their sleep.

[Bubbles n' Booze @BubblesnBooze]

Never trust a man who cleans his dick with baby wipes.

[Kozlowski SPS🐑 @ljbama22]

3 from right has a dong medal. That's eliteness https://t.co/E9V4qhMFLE

[Stab your face @Captstabbyface]

Do people from Texas not know that the rest of us don't give a rat's ass about Texas?

[Smallz got a reefer @smallzBballz]

In 5th grade I was one of the tallest kids in class. Then everybody grew but me. I'm the size of a 5th grader forever (mentality of one too)

[Lindsay @Rollinintheseat]

I want to start a brass band called Tuba Toothpaste.