Frankly my dear

Working out to the sounds of a Vette...

[Droll Meets Bawdy @kiralc]

was voted "Most Likely to be Sitting on the Floor Talking to the Dog at Parties"

[Lynn Faye @LMFaye]

If I had to do it all over again, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't.

[The Buddha Way @TheBuddhaWay]

Freedom consists not in pursuing desires, but in following one's conscience.

[M3 @MrPudmansButler]

"I put gas in your car and bought ice cream" -Married sext

[Cid @Cidisn]

Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee.

Also I don't drink coffee.

[Fitness Family @FitnessFamiIy]

You don’t have to go fast… You just have to go.

[Oliev L. @olievl]

My favorite yoga position is the downward spiral into madness

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Taking a shot for every soccer goal is normally a safe bet, but damn Germany... I'm fucking wasted.

[Ryan @TjSmooth0]

I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I'm worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.

[Damsel in This Dress @secondofhername]

The two FIFA World Cup 2014 songs are Ole Ola & La La La.
Our linguistic evolution as humans never ceases to amaze me.

[Brother Rabbit @Kadayo_Takamini]

I'm so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign.

And before that, we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that shit.

[Larry & Moon Dog @DukEB51]

My wife is such a bad cook,if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it's for her is to eat it. Apparently

[Inappropriate Charm @LackOfShame]

Women, when you say: "We should move into a better house."

A man hears: "My plan is to force you to work till the day you die."

[Stephen @SoLongStephen]

First line in frozen pizza instructions: DO NOT EAT FROZEN PIZZA W/OUT COOKING. It's almost like they know I'm the target demographic.

[S @smsss5]

I'm really not sure how many times I'll search for my phone with the flashlight on my phone before I realize I'm an idiot....