CofCDeacon

Clean the baptistry, change light bulbs, mow the lawn, order cases of Welch's. I hope to move up to overseeing the budget one day.

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

Parody account available. Please nominate yourself and a committee will review. Must have children and a riding lawnmower you can transport

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

Twerking is now mainstream, has jumped the shark, so I'm expecting the sermon on it on Sunday.

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

@SilenaHolman I'm sure we can add some tatted lace to it too.

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

Related, some of y'all need to have some gender role discussions in your church. http://t.co/3nFcpS6nRw

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

The Princess Bible, a Bible with bling. I can't be the only one bothered by this. http://t.co/xYA8GmWZOo

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

You realize you've all spent more time discussing Miley Cyrus than she deserves, right?

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

Overhead projector in class. Sorry @cofc_projector. #hipsterCoC

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

Actually, like, dress up for church. #HipsterCoC

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

Vintage copies of Sacred Selections Of The Church for all #hipsterCoC

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

Broadcast slides of the sermon on instagram in sepia tones #hipsterCoC

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

So, instead of ministry to the elderly, can we just send them a cracker, bottle of Welch's, and a link to a Vine of that day's meditation?

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

I went into hiding because my name was up for @cofcelder. Glad that nightmare is over.

[David Lipscomb @Gospel_Advocate]

Brethren, if your recent tweets might lead one to believe your primary concern from today is protecting gun rights, consider your witness.

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

...but for God's sake, today, stop praying, get off the internet, hug your family, & get out there & do something to make the world better

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

I've been too busy at work and with real life to tweet on this novelty account...

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

when we get close to saying that rape results in a blessing, we've not just gone too far, i wonder if we can get back. http://t.co/obNAEqq1

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

@CofCPulpit @CofCpew @cofcpreacha the more glitter on the Britney mic, the better

[CofC_Projector @cofc_projector]

@cofcpreacha And your sermon is only as good as the person delivering it.

[CofCPreacha @cofcpreacha]

your audio/visual equipment is only as good as the volunteer running it. @CofCDeacon @cofc_projector

[CofCDeacon @CofCDeacon]

9 ?s church visitors aren't asking, but churches are still trying to answer: http://t.co/dOcPAZDN